Speaking of rivers, we had a fuck tonne of rain last week. Something in the ball park of 750mm over the region in 48 hours. Now my seaside city is the sunshine capital of NZ. Officially. And we never ever get rain like that. Go figure.
As you can imagine much wrath of shit ensued. Hills & boulders the size of cars were coming down all over the show, rivers broke their banks, roads were closed, people lost power/phone & just got straight up cut off from civilisation, people ended up with their backyards inside their lounge rooms & around 300 homes have been red stickered 'inhabitable' by the GeoTech folk.
We don't have the infrastructure to cope with a torrential downpour like that. And the devastation it's caused is insane. However the blessing in all of the carnage is that no one got hurt. You can replace a house, but you can't replace a human life. Amen.
Nothing says 'fuck my life' more than a giant mountain shit
busting through your back door.
I had decided that if the flooding extended down to the marina where I live, I was finally going to live out my lifelong badass pirate dream & steal me one of the million dollar boats sitting right in front of my house. But sadly it never came to that. Still, it never hurts to have a game plan.
Hubs has returned from his African adventure. And he bought me some rad gifts. This loot included a pair of smurf pyjamas that are about 7 sizes too small. He obviously has a distorted estimation of just how gigantic my back end is because he was WAY off. I will fit them one day though. If I can get in a time machine & go back to when I was 3. Or alternatively I can give them to my unborn daughter on her 8th birthday. They are that small.
He also bought me a Karma Sutra book. As a joke. Although when most people claim it's 'just a joke', usually they aren't joking at all. This is a life lesson I have learnt ten fold. Lets just say that this is part of the reason why I am so frigging tried today. Sweet Jesus, nothing like 2 weeks apart to rev up the bang life. Right on son!!
Also my husband has decided to dabble in massage. Erotic massage. He even bought a book on it. That's dedication yo & I am all for that show! Since his return I have been receiving nightly stroke me nicely massages. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. Lucky & stupid muthafucking tired.
This book right here. Booyah.
I also got a beautiful African hand beaded necklace which I will never wear. Because those African ladies have small necks. My neck resembles an oompa loompa's in comparison. And if the .000001mm thick string the thousands of beads are threaded on to happens to break, it's god dam rainbow beads scattered from asshole to breakfast time.
When we were on our honeymoon last year I bought this beautiful wall hanging thing made out of millions of tiny beads. It was a piece of art work that I hung proudly on my hallway wall. Anyway the bitch broke a couple of days later & one year on I am still finding beads everywhere. And we've moved house twice since then.
I got monstrous bottle of Amarula Cream, & a box of cream caramels (a south African treat I would sell my whole family for), a couple of g-strings (also a 'joke' present apparently), a new Billabong Hoody, Weeds Season 1 on Bluray & a soft toy giraffe. The man did good. Real good.
So what once was a quiet, tidy & organised apartment has now returned to it's former pre South Africa visit state of undies/socks laying on the lounge chair, pube hairs scattered like magic fairy dust throughout the bathroom (& facial hair shaving), constant dishes in the sink & the little beaver like piles of shit (not actual shit) throughout the house. But I love him. And I'm so happy he's home. I love coming home to my manimal. A manimal who will willingly massage my ass cheeks for a whole hour. Whoop!
5 more sleeps til not real Santa comes. I'm looking forward to a sleep in, eating more food than is normal for one person to consume in a 24 hour period, AND spending time with the people I love who haven't buggered off down the sounds/South Africa or Wales.
With Christmas day quickly looming, what are all you whores up to?
For those of you that aren't aware the giveaway for this month is this kick ass knuckleduster coffee mug. Nothing says 'I hate your face' more than drinking your morning cuppa love out of this bad boy.
Peace, love & achy hump muscles,
