Holiday, Celebrate

A little bit of song to get your head in the right space before you read my post today. I'm not miserable like Mr Sandler but his version is so much more heartfelt than cone tits Madonna's version.

Today is day 2 of my 2 weeks leave & gotta tell ya, I'm feeling slightly shit house. I have turned into a snot goblin, with itchy eye balls, angry hair & a body that aches like a kick in the hairy clangers.

I had a dream last night about my first love, Nick the Catholic. In my dream he kidnapped me in his orange Triumph & wanted to take me to his parents 40th wedding anniversary. Pretty normal dream right? Well that was until he told me he also wanted to stick a bag of onions up my vagina. WHAT THE! Then began the all too common dream chase scene. Now in real life for a fatty I can move like a Cheetah if I have to but for some reason in dreams my legs decide to be stupid bitches & refuse to move. Don't get scared though because from somewhere on my person I whipped out a big muthafucker Kill Bill ninja sword & chopped that bitch up. Ain't no man going to stick vegetables up my kooka.

The content of my dream would suggest to some that maybe I have some unresolved issues with that ex boyfriend. Truth is no I don't. Any person who purposely records 'Everybody Hurts' by REM over & over on an 80 minute tape, & actually listens to it, needs get the hell away from me. I woke up & felt my husbands buns to make sure I was definitely only dreaming.

Yesterday as you may know if you read my last post, I had to chase my own poo around the toilet bowl for a stool sample. There is a reason why our bodies get rid of that every day. And it's not something that should have to be touched. I've been somewhat traumatised by that but it helps me to talk about it. Thanks for listening friends.

I've been watching a lot of food network channel. It's like my version of porn. Who needs erections & big gaping holes when I have Bobby Flay Grill King, Big Bum Nigella & Lydia the Italian to entertain me.
I love it!

I've only bought one thing online so far. Praise be to miracles.
This be it. My new Throwzini knife block.
It spoke to my inner psycho & I had to have it.
How cool is this shit?

It normally retails for $189 but I got it for $29.95 off http://www.1day.co.nz/

Today I am going to go to the gym & shake that ass.

I will more than likely have relations with Blake because it's high time I put out. Plus I'm not busy so have no excuse.

I might go & see a movie or start on my new Bryce Courtenay novel that's been collecting dust beside my bed for the last month.

And I will probably do some work. From home. What a fuckhead.

Bx


P.S For my new blog friends. From now on at the end of each post I will share something new about myself. I once got molested on a bus in the middle of the day by a drunk tranny. True story. Before he/she could really get her hand on my goodie mound I had punched her in the face. It was a good day.

Brownie baby.

Sometimes I like to bake my little shit nugget something tasty. He is a good husband even though I am still holding a bit of a grudge for him giving up on meat. Just to make sure he is still the man I married I like to ram sugary things down his neck.

I decided to try a Weight Watchers recipe this afternoon. Chocolate cheesecake brownie. I made some small changes because quite frankly I don't feel like forsaking 6 points for a piddly ass piece of brownie. So my Brownie don't have no cheesecake topping. In the recipe it says 6 points for one piece. Fuck that. I got this little baby down to 3 points per serve because that's how I roll.

3/4 Cup sifted Self Raising Flour *9 points
1/2 Cup sifted Cocoa *5 points
1 Cup unsweetened Apple Puree *4 points
3/4 Cup Caster Sugar *18 points
80g Chocolate Bits *12 points
1/2 tsp Bicarb Powder
1/2 tsp salt
3 second oil spray *1 point

I shit you not, this is ALL the ingredients.

• Pre heat oven to 180 or 160 if you have fan bake
• Lightly spray a 20cm (base measurement) cake tin with oil spray. And line your tin if you want but not necessary unless your brownie tin is a hundred years old.
• Mix all ingredients together & pour in to greased tin.
• Bake for 20-25 minutes until looks & feels cooked.
• Let it cool then cut it up into 16 (yes 16) pieces

I was skeptical but this is SO good. Extremely moist & tres delicious. Minus the thousands of unnecessary calories & sleepless night of guilt. I dare anyone to say it doesn't taste as good as the usual time consuming & higher calorie version. Blake's already eaten half of it. That's my boy!!

P.S Wait til it's cooled before you cut it. Hence why mine looks like it's been cut with a chainsaw.
If you make this & don't think it's the bomb I will let you punch me in the face just once unless you screwed it up & in that case it's entirely your fault.

Double Downing It

When the media started going apeshit over the Double Down burger, I nearly peed with all excitement. We didn't even have it in NZ at that stage but it made the prime time news & everyone was talking about whether they would or wouldn't nail it. Well people, the DD has landed on our fair shores & I will be trying one. And unless you live in a little rock house in The Shire or are from a religion where TV/radio/anything electronic is a no no, it is common knowledge that this burger is so hot right now.

Nutritionists/dietitians have majorly bagged it (fair call), many have claimed they will never let this calorie laden terror pass their lips (liars), chronic junk munchers are literally creaming over it & then there's the likes of me, I shouldn't really but I bloody will. I heart KFC even though it's a rarity in my life these days. As a long time fan of the colonels secret herbs & spices it would be rude not to have a crack at it.

Look at it, what is there not to like? 2 chicken breasts, 2 slices of cheese & crispy bacon. Shit yes! 604 calories & 34 grams of fat (7 teaspoons). To give you an idea of just how bad it is, I would have to do 60 minutes level 5 incline/5.5 speed on the treadmill to burn this off. But I'm prepared to risk it.

On the Weight Watchers pro points plan I get 38 points a day. It's basic science & maths. Also kind of like have a daily money allowance. You just have to budget well. I like this programme because it means I can have the things I like from time to time. And I can try this bloody burger. I'm not going to bust a lady nut to have it, but I will have it some time in the near future. Does anyone wanna go halvies?

The DD feedback I've heard has been positive & no one has died yet. Good job.

And FYI, the weight watchers pro points valua for a DD is a whopping 16 points. Eat & weep suckers.

Have you Double Downed it yet? If so, what say you?

Bx