Friday, May 25, 2012

Can't buy me love. health. sanity. And all that other important stuff.

There's this guy in my city that spends all day every day riding on a bike around town with a ridiculous black motorcycle helmet on & a dirty army jacket. I call him dirty Harry. He sings quietly to himself, riding around in his own private universe, & always says hello when he sees me. He is dirty, but he has sparkle.

There's this other guy, he's about 80, tall & skinny with no fixed abode. He walks around town holding his life possessions in a supermarket bag while he hunts through council rubbish bins for something special. Food probably. I call him Skinny Jim. I see him everyday. Skinny Jim always says hello to me. He has sparkle too.

This other dude, called David, he has a greying ginger afro & I have never seen him wear anything else except a royal blue tracksuit. Every day. The blue tracksuit. And his little black man purse. David is shy. He has a mental illness. He whispers when he talks to me. But when he does talk to me, his eyes smile & sparkle.

I wonder sometimes how they got to this. The journey they travelled to get to this. Something deep inside me, buried in the left ventricular artery gets a little achey as I remember that I am blessed with so much, while they sparkle on with so little.

They are shining examples of what we normal comfortable folk should be. Happy & content with what we have.

Sickness is rife in my life at the moment. I don't know what's going on but people are starting to drop like flies.

My best friends mum is dying. Every day cancer is stealing a little bit more of her sparkle.

My sister in laws mum has cancer too. She pretends to have sparkle so those people that love her most don't worry too much.

Blake's Uncle has just been diagnosed with stomach cancer. He is only in his 40's, has two young kids & is such a cool guy. We love him to bits. And I just don't get it? Why him? He's got so much sparkle it's blinding.

My step mum is dying too. My Dad loves her so hardout. Her sparkle is being taken from her by a horrible disease that I just can not except.

My dad also has cancer. He had surgery while I was in Mexico & they cut away a big part of his man sparkle. The doctors are stuck & don't know what to do next. So my Dad, the man who helped create the essence of me, sits & waits for someone to help him carry on living.

My Dad & his wife are doing it together. She is not winning. So fucking sad.

We all get so caught up in our own shit. We get lost & disorientated in our shit. And we forget how blessed we are to be given the ultimate gift of being able to wake up every day & take a big breath. To suck in life's purest element, the one true thing that keeps us ticking on.

Instead we choose to let the small insignificant things break us down & drown us. Stop us breathing. We complain about the sore back, busted car, lack of sleep, not having enough money to buy stupid shit we don't really need, toxic relationships we walk into eyes wide open time & time again. We complain because it's our human condition. We want people to stroke us & say that every thing will be ok.

The truth is, & I hate to be the one to say it, we are fucking lucky to wake up & only have to deal with that stuff. So lucky. Cos on the grand scheme it's nothing man. Nothing in comparison to what others are fighting right this very minute.

Yesterday I found myself having a bitch slap fight with a coke vending machine. It hurled my Coke Zero down the chute of death so dam hard that upon landing at the bottom it furiously rolled from side to side in a coke coma. And then when I opened it & it exploded in my face.

I was so angry. Like raging piss mad angry.

10 minutes later I sat at my desk & it dawned on me, a glorious revelation, you know what, if this is the worst thing that happens to me today then I am having the best fucking day ever. And then I sparkled at the coke machine & said 'hey man, no hard feelings'. Because I'm a bit crazy like that.

Then I went home & kissed my husband. Like really kissed him. And I told him I loved him so much & that this life time will never be long enough with him.

No funny post from me today. I just want to remind everyone how lucky we all are, cos it's easy to forget. I forget. I also know too many;people who forget how lucky they are every single day. And I listen to them moan & complain about everything. I want to punch them in the mouth. Hard.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that even though sometimes life can suck a big festy ball sac, most of us still have a choice of whether or not to let it break us. There will always be someone out there who's fighting a bigger harder uglier fight than our own. Trying to keep that idea in the fore front of our minds may help make us stronger? A little bit more kickass perhaps?

Go hug a stranger today. A ginga maybe seeing as it's hug a ginga day in NZ & all. Although I do recommend you ask for permission to hug first to prevent a rape whistle being blasted in your ear.

Tell someone in your life that you love them & really mean it.

Smell a babys head, cos it really is the best smell in the world next to KFC. Unless of course it has a fungal infection.

Reassure someone who clearly needs to hear it that their life is good, buy them a coffee or just listen.

Cos life IS good.

I'm thinking about starting a weekly kindness mission.

Go softly my friends.

Peace & love


33 comments:

  1. first Johi now you, what has become of the world. Are you sure you haven't been replaced by alien unicorns???

    Not really I enjoyed your post today, and you are right!!! I leaving work right now not gonna even stop to say goodbye and smell me some baby head!

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    1. I am still a badass muthaf**ka. But inside me there is definitely some soft goo. It's important to have soft goo. Just saying x

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  2. YOU have a gift with words, my friend. SPARKLE! I loved that....sigh. And it is so true. I can't believe how many people in your family are DYING OF CANCER right now!!!!! That is terrible. Really, indescribably hard to deal with for all of you.
    Well, I love ya from all the way across the ocean and will put your fam in my prayers.
    And LOLOLOL about the baby head/KFC thing. Try all you want to be serious but it is your gift to be funny, even if just for a sentence! And always so perfectly placed. You have excellent written comedic timing!!!

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    1. Aw darlin you know how to stroke a girls already giant ego. Feeling the love from your hood. Cancer is ripping so many people I know a new one. How do I make it stop? I can't. And I hate that I have no power.

      I've actually decided if I could be granted one superhero power, I would want to be able to heal the sick.

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  3. Well said Becky, there are way to many negative people in this world. And I may just hug a ginga - depends what sort of mood he is in - well he used to be a ginga lol

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    1. Hug The Bev Jules. Hug him fierce. He is still a ginga on the inside.

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  4. It's the small stuff too, we have to appreciate. I am so sorry about your family, shit seems to just happen in mass waves! About 10 years ago, my Mommy broke her arm roller blading, then she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, then a month later she had to have surgery on her eyes. After we got over the crying jag and the bad ju-ju feeling, I found out I was preggers. I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with the circle of life. fricking Lion King

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    1. The small stuff is sometimes the biggest. Hope your Ma is still fighting the good fight Jana? She's earnt some good. I now have the opening song of the Lion King stuck in my head. I act out that scene everytime I leave KFC with my 3 peice quarter pack.

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  5. I love this post. No matter how shittastic life gets. It is still pretty awesome.

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  6. Damn straight. Who wants to come hug me?

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    1. Me. But I am unable to fuckpunch sharks in the nose while I swim across the oceans to get to you. I can multi task like a boss but even I, Becky the Great, have my limits.

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    2. When I see you in August I'm gonna hug the ever loving shit outta you, Misty. Word.

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    3. <<<<sends enormous Assassin-sized bear hug.

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  7. love it... great post Becky... everyone needs a little love... a little sparkle.

    I wish more people felt this way more often.


    xoxo

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    1. Me too babe. Me too. Thanks for the love Jaime x

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  8. Beautiful post and you're so right. I, for one, often forget to be grateful for what I have. Thanks for the reminder.

    I trust that the sparkle in your loved ones lives will disappear no matter what happens. Even if they move somewhere else - sparkles don't fade.

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    1. You're right, sparkle doesn't fade. it just gets a little muddy looking sometimes.

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  9. Having gone through a recent loss, your post hits very close to home. Wishing grace and peace to those in your life who are suffering. Wishing you mad superpowers above and beyond those you already fuckin rock.

    Love from the Middle of Nowhere, Illinois.

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    1. Have been thinkin of you lady. Hope that you are finding the strength to wake up & breath my friend. Shine on x

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  10. It IS important to have soft goo. Sparkle also. And you have both, AS WELL as being a bad ass MF with awesome comic timing.
    So sorry to hear you and yours are going through some of the worst of lifes shit, your post had the desired affect with me. Hubby is going to get himself some extra hot loving later, and he'll never be quite sure why .. And I shall immediately smell my own GINGA babys head (turning around in my chair now to do so). You're right, better than KFC. Do they really have a 'hug a ginga day' in NZ? Sheesh man.

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    1. We embrace gingers in my country. So much so that we have dedicated one day a year especially to them. It's called Hug A Ginga Day. They get a day off work & free stuff from businesses who support it. It was invented by a nz radio station & the whole country kinda got behind it. We are strange but very kickass people over here in NZ.

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  11. It certainly makes you take stock of what you have.

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    1. I think I just needed to remind myself too.

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  12. Been dealing with some pretty serious health shit myself and embarrassed to say I've been whiny like a little bitch about it lately ( just ask Misty). But when I left treatment today I saw a little girl in the waiting room, no older than six, with severe jaundice and bloated and balding from medications. She was laughing hysterically and dancing for the nurses without a care in the world. I thought, if she could be joyful with the life she has then why can't I? So I picked up the short people from school early and were eating ice cream in the park. Life is too short to wallow in self-pity. If my time on this earth is brief then I want to spend it in laughter, not tears. Xoxo

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  13. YOU have big sparkle, sister. I love this post and I love you. Shine on with your non-fungal baby head smelling self.

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  14. LMAO at the coke machine! But you're right about loads of people whinging about the small stuff and never being grateful for what they have - I had an ex like that. No ginga hugs for him.
    In Britain this problem is rife - if you point out to people what's important in life and that the minuscule "problem" they're whinging about means nothing in the grand scale of things, they just look at you funny. What a charmed life these people must have led if they don't understand that. The most blessed people are often the ones who don't even realise it. Lucky sods.
    My sisters baby doesn't come out for any head smelling action for another 2 months, but when she does I'll be sure to grab her and smell, smell, smell awaaaay. Once she's got all that uterus goo & placenta off her of course.

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  15. I got random hugs from people, but I'm in Australia... I thought they were just trying to cop a feel of my tits since I tower over most people. Better than Kick a Ginger day, I copped a fair few of them last year :-( Cancer is a horrible, insidious disease that no-one should have to suffer. The fact that you have so much of it around you is just cruel. Sending good thoughts to you and yours.

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  16. It's a sad fact of life that evil shit is lurking round the next corner waiting for it's chance to piss on our bonfires. Thankfully, not only are you still managing to find your own sparkle Bex, you're paying it forward to all of us one post at a time, and by doing so helping us all carry our own burdens. Big Love to you, and everyone else who needs it right now.
    Kev

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  17. It's so easy to lose focus on the important stuff. I'm so sorry, Bex. You keep your spark blazing for those who can't keep theirs going. In fact, we all should.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  18. Thank you so much for this. So many of us get all wrapped up in our own piddly shit and forget that people have real struggles. I needed to see this today. I sincerely hope that things get better for your loved ones, and that they are able to keep their spark. That makes things a little easier when things suck. You're amazing and I love reading you. Thank you thank you!

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  19. you inspired me to write. hope you like it.
    http://beccysmindwanderings.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/drinks-machine.html

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