2 things I learnt today

1: I am so much nicer at work when I've had a few days off. I am relaxed, organised, pleasant to the people who pay my wages & just generally a nicer gal. This however won't last long. Usually 3 days. Then I turn back into the grumpy stressed out version of myself. Oh I am still organised & pretend pleasant, although on the inside I am roaring like an angry angry bear. As of the 23rd of Feb I am going to be learning Yoga & am going to start boxing. I am hoping the Yoga will teach me to self-calm & the boxing will be an outlet for all my anger & negative energy. Here's hoping!

2: On closer inspection of the photos in my last blog, my head is indeed larger than my husbands. We have been arguing about this for so long. He always tells me that I have a giant noggin. I guess he is right. And I really don't like admitting that.

 

B xox

The Pink Thing

My mum bought me this.

I know what you're thinking, what the f**k is it? Well I don't actually know what it's called, I don't even think it has a proper name. I was with my mum when she bought it. She actually bought it for herself. I snickered in the background about how shit it was (as I often do when shopping with my mum) & swore to myself, I would never own something that stupid & freakishly puppet-like.

Well when Blake & I moved into our apartment, mum rocked up with some bits & pieces we'd left at her house .To my horror this included ugly pink puppet hand which she had sneakily hidden under some stuff. At first I hid it in my kitchen tools drawer. Because it was a 'gift' from mum, I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. During the weeks following, every time I went into the kitchen tools drawer, which because I cook alot is quite often, I would wear sunglasses as it would blind me with it's fluro pink fury. Blake died when he saw it. He says that every day I take away a little bit more of his man-ness by turning our selection of kitchen utensils into a Mardi Gras parade.

I have a confession to make. The pink puppet hand now lives outside the utensil drawer. Beside my oven. And I don't even try to hide it when people come to visit. It is the best thing EVER invented. It's great for grabbing things out of the oven instead of risking 3rd degree hand burns. Never trust a tea towel, I learnt that the hard way. Especially a damp one. And as for oven mitts, they rate highly on my scale of uncool, so I just don't have one.

The pink hand burning protector has become a staple part of my daily life. Sometimes I just like to sit with it on my hand resisting the urge to draw some eyes on it .Not only does it more than serve it's purpose in the kitchen but it would also make a brilliant crazy man's friend. It seems to have become my 'Wilson' except I'm not Tom Hanks stranded on a desert island nor do I talk to it.

If you spend alot of time in the kitchen or just really enjoy cooking, please go & buy one of these things. Again, I don't know what they're called but you will find them at any local Kitchen/Home store (Mitre 10 Mega, Stevens, Living & Giving) where they retail between $5 & $10 & come in many colours. Not just screaming high visibility pink. After you get over the initial 'what the hell' & embarrassment of purchasing such a hideous thing, I promise you it will be one of the most used implements in your kitchen.

Peace & Love
Becky xo

Burlesque: My Review

First of all, my movie nerd friends will dis-own me for even making the effort to go & see this movie. However in my defence, I only went to perv at the really really hot vampire baddy from Twilight who happened to be one of the main characters in this movie.

This movie was A Grade crapola. The story line was typical small town girl moves to LA to try get famous & falls in love blah blah. The small town girl in question was none other than the blond singer with the mutant vocal chords, Miss Christina Aguilera who plays main character 'Ally'. Her acting skills were, to be kind, extremely below par. Although I will give her snaps for the singing & dancing. Dam that girl can sing. Cher, was not so terrible, but seriously she looks like a horse that's had way too much botox. I can't stand Cher's singing. I would rather lay down in the main street & have my head repeatedly ran over by a bus than listen to her sing. It's not that she's a bad singer, she is an iconic beast of a woman, & in her time she has whipped out some giant hits, my issue with Cher is that she looks & sounds like a tranny. I find that confusing.

I laughed out loud in some parts of this movie. Not because it was funny, but because it was so cheesy that it was hard not to laugh. I did have a genuine chuckle at the few well placed swear words. I like swearing & nothing pleases me more than hearing a good well timed f-bomb.

I did enjoy Tess's (Cher) quirky relationship with her right hand gay man 'Shaun' (Stanley Tucci).I actually didn't know he was gay for the first 3/4 of the movie. And I was really hoping the would realise they were madly in love with each other & bone. It seems that 'Shaun' likes boys. I was disappointed.

The one positive thing I have to say about this movie is that the choreography & music is fabulous. I love Burlesque. It's extremely sexy, naughty, yet tasteful. I believe inside every woman is a sex siren lurking in the shadows. The actual Burlesque scenes were visually stunning, aurally captivating & just down right hot. It made me want to be a Burlesque girl.

The highlight of the movie for my sister & I was this guy. HELLO!

He plays a tortured, down on his luck musician/barman at the Burlesque Club.Upon my accidental & strangely enjoyable viewing of  the epic tween movie Twilight, I came across this delightful man specimen. He kind of reminds me of a young Brad Pitt. And I don't usually get moisty over hot male actors but this guy is an exception. I don't care that he can't act. He is just really really nice to look at. Especially on a giant screen with his clothes off.

In summary, this movie is lame. But if you want to see some hot girls & boys (except tranny Cher) singing & dancing then be my guest. Personally I would rather stay home & get my husband to cook me dinner. Naked.

Peace & love

Becky xo

The Art of Loving a Gamer

Yesterday, I bought this.........

Obviously I didn't buy the lady, but I did buy the dress. And yes it is covered in cherries. I am so in love with this dress that it's highly likely I will sleep in it the first night I have it.

I also bought this.........

Yes, that's right, it's a cardigan with bows on it & it's friggin cute.

I don't want to go into detail on how much these items of clothing cost nor have I told Blake yet. But just in case he has a tantrum, I did buy him an xbox kinect for his birthday next friday. 

I don't even know what an xbox kinect is but he has been talking about it non stop for the last 2 months. I'm assuming it's a man-gamer related product because every time we walk past Noel Leemings he drags me in to give me a 15 minute demonstration on the pros of having an xbox kinect in our house. Now because my interest in anything game related, on a scale of 0-10 is pretty much a -50, I just smile & nod. He can add this to his collection which includes a Nintendo Wii, Xbox 360 & PS3 & about a thousand games. Spoilt much?! 

Gaming is a never ending obsession of his. I suppose I shouldn't complain. If he's happy, I'm happy. And it's not as though I didn't have any warning. We were best friends for 2 years before we fell in love. I often sat in awe of his gaming console collection & I pretty much know, by heart, the ins & outs of World of War Craft or 'Goblins' as I call it. However I would rather chew on broken glass than play it. I feel it would tarnish my rock n roll image. 

I like to call him a nerd. He gets cute mad when I call him this but it's because he just can't accept what he really is. When we go to The Warehouse he often passes comment on the pimply gangly pale faced nerd herd that gather in the gaming section. 'Ha ha look at those geek boys' he says. Um news flash baby, you are one of them. Except really good looking & without the cervical spine hump from hunching over the game controller. 

If the love of your life is also a gamer. Here's a couple of key things that will help keep you sane.

• Get Sky. Or just make sure you have another TV in the house. I like that I can watch my 'shit' programmes without him sitting beside me ranting about how rubbish Jersey Shore & my other favourite shows are.

• Use the time to your advantage. Go shopping or spend time with your girls.

• Bribery. Good old fashioned bribery. If you want his attention, get your boobs out. I promise you this will work. If it doesn't, then maybe his gaming obsession isn't the only problem.

• Set ground rules. Blake's only allowed to play when I've gone to bed or when I'm out at a gig.  Or if I'm just busy doing other things.

• Don't ever try to change your man. This is a general life rule.

• More important that anything, accept that you won't always like the same things. It's completely healthy to have different interests. 

Peace & love
Becky xo

Sunday Afternoon Toilet Blockage

I am known among my family & close friends for being the one that uses half a roll of toilet paper every time I go to the toilet. I'm not ashamed of it. I just like to be 100% sure everything is clean. I think it actually stems from my childhood. My dad was completely over the top anal about the amount of toilet paper we used. He used to give my sister & I a mini seminar in the bathroom. 2 squares for number one's, 4 sqaures for number two's. Logistically I am at a loss to know how he accomplished the 4 square rule. I stood strong  as a child & to this day have never listened or obeyed his bog paper law. Bugger that.

When Blake & I got together I soon realised his toilet paper usage pretty much matched mine, which considering he is a male is rather odd. We were  obviously destined to be together.

Yesterday afternoon I blocked our toilet. I do it every now & then but it's never a major. I can usually sort it myself. However, yesterday afternoon, post toilet usage, our toilet got severely blocked. Like major blocked. I need a plumber kind of blocked.

So I went on a mission to find a plunger. I tried plunging. It didn't work.

I read on the Internet to try using a plastic bag over your toilet brush & plunge. I did that. It didn't work either.

I then tried a wire coat hanger. This was also an Internet suggestion.  They said to bend it like a snake. I don't even know what a snake really looks like? It took me a while to figure out how to use the coat hanger & it did involve me sticking my whole arm in the toilet. This also didn't work.

Please note, the toilet was filled with disintegrated toilet paper & water, no poos or wees.(still gross though). And there was a lot of disinfecting of skin.

Throughout this whole toilet blockage drama, my lovely husband stands at the bathroom door & watches me plunging away. Not offering to help at all. You see my Blake has a massive phobia of anything related to poo.

Especially other peoples. You would think, being his wife, he'd just try help me anyway. Nope.

Eventually, after about an hour of trying to sort the toilet out, we decided to go for a long walk in hope that while we were away the toilet might magically fix itself. This didn't happen.

So I have another go at plunging. By this stage I'm really pissed off. At myself for a start off for causing the blockage & at Blake because he is the man & should be helping me. He inched ever so cautiously into the bathroom to make sure I was plunging right. I didn't realise there was a technique. Apparently there is.

It was at this time, while he's peering over my shoulder, that I accidentally do a plunge that makes toilet water shoot directly over my shoulder & into his face. It was the funniest thing I have seen in ages. He was so mad & I was literally rolling on the bathroom floor absolutely hosing myself. He says 'You hit me in the face with your shit water' then jumps in the bath & starts spraying his face with water from the shower hose. Fully clothed.

After he's all cleaned up we pretty much admit defeat & decide we will ring a plumber the next day because it would probably be cheaper than a weekend call out. We live at a Motel, there is another bathroom facility for us to use in the meantime. 

As it turns out, later that evening while I'm cooking dinner, unbeknown to me Blake sneaks off to the bathroom & gives our lav a good old man plunge & he manages to unblock it. Crisis averted. 

The lesson learnt today was maybe I really do use way too much toilet paper & that there are some things that men can do better than women. Plumbing is definitely not a talent of mine.

Peace & love

Becky xo

The Wedding Singer

Contraire to popular belief, being a working musician isn't what it's cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong, I am so so grateful to be paid for something that I love doing. But it's not all glamour & glitz. Far from it in fact. There are nights when I go home & I feel completely & utterly broken. People are like vampires sucking the energy from my marrow.

I am going to lay out a few scenarios for you. Enlighten you if you please.

Being a covers band, we play other peoples songs. People always ask me why don't we play some of our own songs. Fact is, hammered party goers don't want to hear our music. They want, nay DEMAND, songs that they know or slightly know & can sing along to in all phases of drunkenness. Even if they don't really know the lyrics, they will just sing the line they are familiar with & wing the rest.

I have MAJOR spacial issues. My two front teeth have tiny cracks in them & I have suffered the odd split lip. When you dance/jump/sway in front of my microphone stand, or when you fall on me because you lose the ability to stay vertical, my microphone smashes me in the mouth. I like that you want to be close to me, but I don't have anywhere to go. Especially when I have drums up my ass.

It's getting to the point now that I feel like I need to have a sign hanging around my neck saying 'please keep your distance or I will eat your face off'. It drives me bonkers. I actually start to panic when people start getting up in my space. Because I literally can't escape. So if I ask nicely for people to please move back a bit, then out of respect & kindness to me, please do it. It doesn't mean, please come closer, stomp on & spill your drinks all over our gear.

I am not a diva. I love nothing more than letting someone up for a jam. We are the ones getting paid to be there though. And depending on the level of drunkenness at the venue we are playing, if I let you have a go then everyone else will probably decide that it's a free for-all karaoke night as well.

People forget that our gear costs a lot of money & that when we have a break & go outside to get some fresh air it's not time for people to get on the drums & bash the crap out of them. Nor is it time for someone to start spitting & roaring into my microphone. This happens a lot. And it also makes me wild. I wouldn't come up to you on the street, get in your car & take it for a spin without asking first. Same kind of thing really.

If the owner or person in charge nicely asks if one person can do a song I have absolutely no problems with it. What I don't like is having 50+ sweaty drunk people screaming in my face/ear while I'm singing that they want to get up & sing The Gambler or that they sing in a band in China & are really good OR the ones who just come up, put their arm around my shoulder & start helping me sing.

I will get really mad & tell you to bugger off but in less polite language. I'm sure in whatever town you hale from, you are quite the legend musician. Whatever, I don't actually care. I'm am here to do my job, let me do it. Would you like me to come to your place of work & tell you how to do your job? Lay all over your desk & yell in your face while you are trying to speak on the phone? No I didn't think so. Again, same thing.

It is so hard to not be uptight. I try so hard to relax & more often that not we have absolutely cracker gigs. Just every now & then it's really tough work. And I don't like being mean or grumpy but the fact is someone has to stay in control. And usually that's me.

Here are the songs I despise playing. And if you ever ask me to play them I will probably stab you.

Don't ever ask me to play The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Unless I'm drunk too & then i will just make it up & probably take the piss. This is the most requested song of all time.

Anything by Slipknot or other death metal bands. Hello I am a girl!! I'm sure Slipknot are awesome & I totally respect you for your musical tastes but be fair, girls weren't born with the vocal ability to make gun, car or helicopter noises let alone roar like an angry bear. I can only just pull off girly versions of ACDC & Guns n Roses. Anything beyond that is not for me.

Summer of 69. I have played that 1,000,679 times. However it is a crowd pleaser so I will bite the bullet & do it anyway.

Anything by ABBA. I play in a band with 3 dudes. These 3 guys have an extremely mixed bag of musical tastes, a bag that doesn't include ABBA. We do try to do a bit of everything however Mama Mia & Waterloo just didn't make the cut.

9-5 by Dolly Patron. Yes I am blond & have big boobies but I won't do it. Sorry. Her vocal range terrifies me quite frankly & what terrifies me even more is that it's mostly straight, good looking young men that ask me to sing it. My nickname at high school was Dolly Parton. Go figure.

I Got a Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. Great party song but NO. Just no.

Weddings are tough. By the time the band kicks off the guest are usually either so tired & or extremely intoxicated. And sometimes we have to play out in the wilderness. In the wilderness there are generally bugs & moisture. These 2 things combined with electricity & people is BAD.

Private functions are equal to putting on a private concert. No one will dance unless they are drunk. Until they get to the stage where they feel they have the confidence to cut some shapes on the d-floor, they basically all sit there & stare. Awkward. Yep. It's at these awkward concert-type gigs that I say really stupid things over the mic. When I feel uncomfortable, I say dumb things.

Pub gigs aren't so bad as long as there is door staff. I won't play anywhere now that doesn't have some sort of security. The bouncers at 623 are awesome. If someone is acting like a dickhead, which happens every now & then, I just have to give them a nod & they will sort it out. No agro, just quickly & quietly dealt with. I like they they have our back. However I have been know to sort it out myself. My microphone stand is my weapon of mass destruction.

Being a muso also most definitely takes it's toll on your body. I have calloused guitar fingers. I can also never have long glamorous lady nails as it is literally impossible to play any instrument with long nails. Also my index finger & up yours finger on my right hand always only have half nail polish on them. These are my strumming fingers. My muscles in my upper back have pretty much screwed themselves into tight balls of achy breaky muscle & crunchy loose cartilage. They burn like fire some nights & I clench my teeth through the pain. Or like my friend Sheree, just pop a Valium. When I flex my shoulders I make crunchy noises. Blake says it sounds like coco pops. I have developed nodules on my voice box. Too many years of hollering my lungs out has taken it's toll.  I can get them scraped off but it's not as simple as it sounds. If the surgeon stuffed up, I would more than likely never be able to speak again. So for now I will just deal with it. The doc recommends I keep my singing to once a fortnight. It's exhausting really. I often feel incredibly hung over. Even though I didn't have one drink. I have yet to figure out why that is?

I feel extremely lucky to work in this industry. It's a really humbling job. Especially the feedback we receive from people. Yes sometimes it is incredibly hard but seeing people enjoying themselves makes it all worthwhile. And I have met so many choice people. Other musicians, even local ones, inspire me. There is so much talent around the town I live in. Sadly I don't get to see other bands play very often because I'm usually working as well.

If you do live in Nelson, & you are wanting to go & see some live music, here are some names of bands that I am sure will have you ears singing. And in some cases ringing.

Replikator - Rock music. These guys are very talented. Loud rock like it should be played.

Riccochet - Rock music. Awesome band. The lead singer is kick ass. She inspires me.

Something Else - Pop/Rock/Reggae. I love these guys. They are all top blokes & the lead singer Dan is very good. If I have a night off I usually track these guys down. My body can logistically move to their style of music. Gravity doesn't let me rock out unfortunately. Plus I love Reggae.

Booby Trap - 2 piece duo. These 2 pretty ladies can pretty much play & sing anything & are really popular.

Fez - Haven't heard them play but people always rave about them. On my 'to check out' list.

Gypsy Pickers - Have been around for ages. Amazing folk duo. I rate them highly.

Peace & love

Becky xo

Rock on baby!



Happy New Years!!

I can't believe it's 2011 already. I hope everyone had a kickass new year. I worked but it didn't really feel like working because I had WAY too much fun. We played at 623 In The City for 4.5 hours & it went really frickin fast. Everyone was happy drunk & had a great time.

The happy revellers at our new years party 2010

The band. I'm not sure what I'm doing but after 16 hours of work I was stoked just to be still upright.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me & my best mate Kylie.

One thing that I found really odd this new years was the amount of angry women around. One of the bouncers got punched in the face & kicked by a girl who got mad because she was refused entry into the bar due to the fact she was way too drunk. Read the signs dickhead. If you are too intoxicated, the big boys on the door won't let you in. And P.S, punching them in the face won't help your cause either.

Upon leaving at 3am, another of the bouncers was caught up in an argument with another young lady who claims that she should be allowed in the bar because back in Christchurch (where she was obviously from) they let her in at 3am. He attempted to reason with her, explaining that in Nelson everything closes at 3am not 6am, only to be met with more verbal abuse & threats of violence. She stood in the doorway for a good 20 minutes yelling at him before telling him to go f**K himself & giving up. She was never going to win anyway. 


This year I would like to lose 20kgs, keep this blog going, try make a baby & save $20,000. No-one ever got punched in the face for having big dreams ay.


Happy New Year everyone!!

Peace & Love,
Bex xo