Disclaimer: You should know that I would never actually set the world on fire.
Because it's illegal & it would hurt.
For a very long time I have wanted to put my shit out there. Bare it to the world. Be accountable for my actions & then move the fuck on. But me, badass Becky, was too afraid. Because I was ultimately scared of what people would think of me.
Slice my hand with a kitchen knife & chuck me in a tank full of tiger sharks & I would be on that shit. Be honest & open with people, & I'd hide like I did all those years ago in the casinos rooms.
I realised while laying in bed on Wednesday night that it was time to lay down my guns, punch that dark cloud I've let hang over my head for so dam long in the hairy scrotum, & tell it too piss right off. I feel liberated. I feel proud. And I am chained no more to that thing I did that I have been ashamed of for so long.
The comments. Oh my god the comments. I couldn't reply because I was overwhelmed. I was tearing up reading all the comments from you bitches on all of my chosen forms of social networking.You guys.You knew what to say. Each & every single one of those comments hit me right in that centre point of my chest but slightly off to the left boob side, in my heart. Thank you. A million times over.
I wasn't going to put it on Facebook because I have 375 'friends' & some of those people I didn't want to know about it. Then I thought, do I really care what those certain people think about me? The answer to that is hell to the NO. The purpose of it was to set myself free. How can I truly set myself free when I still wanted to hide it from certain people? So I put it on Facebook. No more shame. I have nothing to hide.
Adapt & overcome. Thank you Jana for putting those words in my head. I don't know you, but those shared words will now be my mantra too.
Let me tell you, after baring my soul to the world, I feel exhilarated. And goddamn loved to a point of ugly crying face happy tears.
I accept that there will be times in my future that my conviction will still mean I have to go the long way round. And that's ok. The difference is that this time I will do it without mentally stoning myself & letting the shame drag me down.
Adapt & overcome. I'm on it.
To Jen. You my girl are a shining muthafucking star. And I know for absolute certain that if you & I ruled the world, our souls combined would make us unstoppable. Thank you for inspiring me to deal with my shit out loud. Sharing your own story of addiction gave me the cracker under my ass I needed to put my own red superhero cape on & power punch through my life's nasty scrotum. I love you whore. Big time.
Right, now moving along, I have received an award. A blog award doing the rounds called the Liebster Blog award. I am not 100% exactly what Liebster means, but it's an award & I'm all over that shit like an itchy groin rash. I believe it means 'I am awesome'. However my German is non existent so I am tres happy to roll with my translation.
The award was gifted to me from my old mate Barfly over at SSS Porch Party. Just between you & me, I am pretty certain he wants to touch my boobs. I am willing to oblige of course but the oceans are keeping us apart**. Anyway, his blog is unique in the fact it's actually run by a group of neighbours that like to socialise on occasion. Barflys regular real life musings & posts dedicated to international hot bitch blogging divas is really something to read. Seriously, need some ego stroking blog ladies, go see Barfly. He da man.
** Babe I promise he won't ever touch my boobs. They are all yours. Promise.
Anyway here are the rules.
1) Thank the person that nominated you on your blog and link back to them. DONE.
2) Nominate up to 5 other blogs for the award. DONE.
3) Let them know via comment on their blog . PROBABLY WON'T DO THIS.
4) Post the award on your blog. DONE. LIKE A BOSS.
Without further ado, I am awarding the 'I am awesome blog' to the following. I recommend you check all of these people out.
SocialAssassin - My English geezer brother Kevin. If he wasn't married to the stunning blond bombshell Emily, I would marry him myself & become a wife with many many international husbands. He can eat fire, cook a mean feed & pens a rockin' blog post. Oh & he is very tall. I would come up to his bellybutton. I plan on visiting this fine gent & his lovely wife one day in the future. He sent me candy on my birthday & never fails to make me feel ok with the world. It's rarity to come across a good bloke like this. And I plan on being his mate for life.
Fat-Be-Gone - Initially when I came to Blogspot I was going to have a blog about losing weight. Instead I decided to write about poo, naked rugby, masturbating to shark docos on the National Geographic channel & punching people in their scrotums. I did some blog stalking & stumbled across this hot Canadian bitch called Bonnie. I held out an olive branch in the form of a witty comment, & since then we have been real good mates. I love her. She loves me. In another life with a different sexual orientation, I am certain we would've banged fannys on a regular basis. I am working on my weight loss in the background & she inspires me to keep on keeping on.
Jen e sais quois - she has already had like a thousand of these. And you already know how I feel about this woman. Not only is she a battler, she is also funny as hell. Her undying love for Nathan Fillon, her short people & bacon keeps me entertained on a tri-weekly basis. Respect! When I eventually meet this woman, & you know I bloody will, I will be bringing her a fine selection of hot NZ rugby poon to get balls deep in & we will fist pump til our arms fall off. I'm am pretty certain that Nathan Fillon is quietly planning his mass frenzy love attack on Jen any day now. Or procuring a restraining order. I am rooting for the former.
Edenland - Eden is from Australia. And she is a proud ginger. I have never once left a comment on any of her blogs because I am in awe of this woman. She never fails to render me speechless with her stories of life's goodness & bullshit. I have followed her from the very first day in Blogland & I have never not read one of her posts. She is funny. She makes me cry sometimes. She is a rare gem feeling her way through shit & beating the ass off addiction. And I love her from afar. She epitomises to me what blogging & life is really about. Honesty. I wish her nothing but love & I hope one day I can shake her hand & say 'you did good mate'.
South Florida Filmmaker - Dan Perez would've been the cool film boy at school that I would have vag spasmed over from afar. I would have left love notes in his desk & maybe stalked him. Dan is from New York, & he knows how to make a good film. He's won prizes & people know who he is. He's smart, good looking & funny. And I really like him. I have been honored to be pimped by him many times on Twitter but also to be one of his many all time favourite riot grrls as he so fondly calls it. His kickass Pug dog Buddy features often on his blog & I never miss a beat with this guy. Check him out.
Pass it on. Or don't. Just know that I think all you 5 bloggers are the balls. Same goes for all of the blogs I follow. I follow you because I dig what you do, what you have to say & more importantly for all the good shit you stand for & what you put out into the universe.
Anyway enough of this gushy love fest, I have work to do.
Peace & love
P.S Winner of Februarys prize will be announced in my next post. You should be pre-warned that it is awesome.
P.P.S I lost 3kg in the past week when I weighed in with Mike at the gym yesterday. We high fived. I'm bringing sexy back 1kg at a time.
P.P.P.S Dan, not even the whiskery chaffe of your chin could scare me away.
P.P.P.P.S I know I say this often but I really do love my husband. He is the greatest man I know. Without his ongoing love & support, I'd still be lost.