Saturday, March 17, 2012

This one goes out to the one(s) I love. Prepare to vomit in your own hand cos I'ma bout to gush like that bottle of cola I dropped on my office floor yesterday.

Fuck guys. Really. Fuck.....Never in my entire life, apart from the day this hot guy stood in front of all these people I know & vowed to love the shit outta me for the rest of his life while shitting his own pants with pure blind fear, have I experienced such a bevy of international love bombing.

Yesterday morning, I woke up & while putting my outside face on (make up) in preparation for my working day, I went online. Upon discovering everything below, I blubbed hardout. Big happysadlove tears avec slight nasal dribble. My eyes weep, my nose follows suit. Awesome.

First of all,  I hit Facebook. Where I discovered, my dear friend & fellow wild strider, Mrs Johi Unicorn from Colorado, had created a Facey page in my honour, Get Bex A VISA!. Strangers have joined this group!! And people I know. All with the same goal of either emailing the shit outta the US Embassy in Wellington to tell them how wrong they are or just to stand vigil with me in silent but proud support.

When I first meet Johi online, I was flawed by her beauty, balls & her way of taking the piss out of the mundaness of every day life in the country as a mother of 2 GORGEOUS boys & wife to equally hot piece of man ass husband. Bitches please, his name is Brock. You know what that rhymes with.....let me break it down. B is short for BIG, Rock is short for ROCKIN' & then I add on the end the only other word I can think of that rhymes with rock. It begins with C. Ya dig?

Johi I love you so hard. I am preparing a 'how to' DVD on Wild Striding to mail to you. By the time I get to Colorado you will be a pro babe. We must map our route. I am thinking the League of Unicorn Wild Striders road trip?

Next there was Jen. She dedicated this post to me yesterday. HOLY SHIT on a pancake. Cue agape mouth & more tears/snot.

I brag about this woman all the time, cos I am not so secretly in love with everything she is & stands for. Her & I have bonded like the extra strength Super Glue I once glued my sisters hand to the phonebook with when I was 8 years old. She inspires me to be the best Becky. She inspired me to come out with my own story of battle with addiction. Her spirit, her fight, her big fat love underneath the snark & funny as fuck wit is what makes me love her so dam much. There are no hidden agendas with Jen. She is real.

If we lived in the same city, I'm not sure the world could handle our combined awesome. But one day, mark my word, I will get the chance to embrace this woman & tell her how much I admire & love the shit out of her. Right to her face.

And then we will cry with happiness. And I will insist she give me a hip hop lesson because clearly I would win at that. And then we would laugh like freaks & I'd probably piss my pants because I have terrible bladder control for one so young & barren. And then she would take me to one of those awesome Portland restaurants she writes about in her weekly Foodie Friday posts. Or Taco Bell. Not fussy. Just know it will be glorious.

Misty is the last part to this epic trio of greatness. She too, dedicated a blog post to me yesterday. Misty is another fellow Blogger friend & I am so grateful for all her help in the last few days. Misty is a lawyer.She is smart, sassy & street savvy. She spends her working days sitting in court watching the crims of her city lay their shit out. Also she secretly & legally takes photos of peoples less than aesthetically pleasing apparel then puts it all online in her Weekly Whacked post for the universe to judge.

I have atleast a dozen pictures on my iPhone that I am planning on emailing her. We need to help these people!

I dig this chick. Her & I share a passion for shoes. And anyone that loves shoes as much as I do & openly piss takes people for their bad fashion choices is my friend for life.

To these 3 woman, I thank you from the depths of my heart. I can not express to you in words how I feel about you for your compassion & willingness to fight for me. I really love you guys.

I wrote you girls a song poem. It can be sung to the tune of 'What do we do with a drunken sailor'. Actually it must be sung to this tune or it won't work. Youtube it if you don't know the song.

This is my re-lyriced song poem for Johi, Jen & Misty simply titled 'What do we do with a De-nied Visa'.

What do we do with a de-nied visa
Given by a douchey asshat geezer
I didn't get a chance to try & please him
And show him my great boobies

My boobs are large & white as snowy
Smokin hot like Jen,Mis-ty & Johi
If they had peens I'd give them a blowie
Just for being awesome

Yo whores give me a visa!
I can roundhouse kick like an angry beaver
Yo whores give me a visa!
Or I'll poo on your back doorstep

Jen is a babe, & I'd  love to meet her
Hang with her boys & teach them expletives
Grind to some WooTang & eat some pizza
Then stake out Nathan Fillon.

Yo whores give me a visa!
I'm hot piece of ass from tiny New Zealand
Yo whores give me a visa!
I can throat punch like a ninja

Misty is the balls & a kick ass lawyer
She is so rad & I'd like to pash her
But no hugs cos she just might punch ya
She's an anti hugger

Yo whores give me a visa!
I wana go to Cancun & see Chichen Itza
Yo whores give me a visa!
I'm really not a bad girl.

Johi is so hot I can barely stand it
My Unicorn mask donning wild striding bandit
I wanna eat her children cos they so dam gorgeous
But she probably will not like me

Yo whores give me a visa!
If I can't go then Blake can't either
Yo whores give me a visa!
I'll buy you some jewels & presents.

What do we do with a de-nied visa?
Not much now, going through Argentina
I get to eat Tacos & slug margaritas
And shit my pants from drinking their water.

The End.

Out of this whole experience, I have discovered something truly amazing. Underneath all of the hate, war & poverty that often leaves me feeling negative, sad & hatin on the universe, there lies a strong united group of people. Compassionate strangers who are willing, without hesitation, to take a chance & support a girl from New Zealand they have never met before.

You have no idea how much this humbles & overwhelms me. And I can not say thank you enough to all of you. My friends, my family & every single one of you. You see ME. The real me. And quite frankly, no visa will ever replace that wonderful feeling of acceptance.

If I ever make it to the US, & you all know I WILL get there, you can choose from one the following multi choice options of gracious thanks.

a) A beer
b) A non alcoholic beverage
c) A Hug
d) A pash with no tongue
e) A sneaky quick fondle of the posterior cheek region. Strictly no front bum touching due to laws laid down by my husband.

If you haven't already been informed, I am now going on my trip to Cancun. The kick ass dudes at DB Brewery who I won the trip through have decided to fly me solo through Buenos Aries. Although the idea of flying through South America on my own is daunting, I am SO goddamn happy right now.

This is so not over though. I sincerely believe I had been wrongly denied of the travel visa to the US. Don't get me wrong, I beleive everyone should be accountable for their actions. But I've done that. Ten times over & have moved the fuck on. I was not given the opportunity, that cost me $600, to plead my case. It was an interview, yet I did not get interviewed at all.

If you feel like supporting my cause, scroll back up & click on any of the girls links. You will find the details you need to help a bitch out.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes".
- Mahatma Ghandi

Peace, love & sloppy thank you kisses,

P.S To the new followers, welcome. And thank you for joining my mad crew. You will not be disappointed x


  1. I loved your song. And I can't wait to tell Brock that everyone on the Internet now associates him with giant.... manitalia.
    I'm disappointed in the no frontal bum touching. I say, "what Blake doesn't know won't hurt him".
    P.S. Sadly, Misty is not a fellow shoe slut. That would be Jen and myself. But, we are working on bringing her to the dark side..... muahahhaahahaha!

    1. I have no idea where I got the idea that she was? Anyway, hope Brocks head stays within acceptable size. I just dig his manly name.

      And you my china, I meant every dam word. You are the balls. And I cannot frigging wait to wild stride with you. Will show your horses a thing or too bout how we do it downunder. Mad loves Johi x

  2. Oh my God, just read this and started crying in my cubicle like a little bitch. I love you so much, Bex. We will meet. . .Taco Bell will be consumed. . .we will sail off into a rainbow-colored sky from the sheer power of so much combined AWESOME. xoxo

    1. I was just standing outside the supermarket waiting for my sister & there was an elderly Maori couple busking. They sung that song 'You got to try a little kindess'. It was so beautiful & dam woman I got all choked up! Such a poignant moment that symbolised the kindness you ladies have shown me in the last 2 days. Love ya babe!! x

      P.S now I need to go kick a kitten so my readers still think I'm badass.

  3. Big wet sloppy kisses to you as well!! We love ya, Bex. We just wish we could do more.

    But holy hell and motherfucking YAY for those awesome brewery dudes flying you solo through South America!!! Boo that those asshats still won't allow your awesomeness to grace our fair land, but at least you get to go. Cool beans!

    And that song rocks! Send me those pics, girl.

    Also? C'est vrai. I am not a shoe lover. I own about 12 pairs total. But I do have pretty toes and cute sandals to show them off, no?

    1. Yeah I totally don't know where I got the show thing from? I reckon your pretty toes & cute sandals photo made that story up in my head? But seriously, thanks for being so awesome. Regardless of the fact I still get to go, you girls still rock my world. For reals x

    2. Yeah do the was meant to be *shoe dammit! Not show. Auto correct is a sneaky bitch.

  4. It is awesome that they stepped up and decided to send you by a different route. Congratulations. Keep fighting the system for a future trip here.

    1. I know man. And the thing that baffles me is the Brewery guys have no idea who I am. They obviously felt some compassion for my Visa denial. Or, the power of my awesome has travelled the north island of New Zealand & gotten under their skin? I guess the former. But the latter does sound good.

  5. Aww Loved this post!!! You're such a hardcore softy!! So happy to be following you now. And I'm really really happy that you're getting the Cancun trip!

    There's still justice to be had of course, in regard to the US visa denial, but governments (particularly certain ones) are sometimes mindless.... and it's hard to fight/argue with the mindless.

    1. Cheers Bozo!! And I fully agree. It's such mindless & not to mention expensive bullshit. Welcome to my fun house. Glad to have you join me.

      P.S thanks for the snaps on my spotty top. It's my fave

    2. You're most welcome. I love polka dots sooooo much...! And by the way, your pirate hat was very stylish too!

  6. Woohoo! I saw Jen's post. It's awesome how people step up. I hope you get to come visit the states sometime soon!

    1. Me too Gia. One of my lifelong ambitions is to travel through your giant country & meet all Ma blog ho's.

  7. Your song is awesome. It should be a single!
    Congrats on still getting to go - those brewery guys are o-kay.
    Have fun!!

    1. Why thank you! I'm considering a career in song writing. I'm so stoked I can go & have penned a gushy thank you email to the guys at DB. They got themselves a life long supporter right here.

  8. Great song, I sang along the whole read through - does that make me odd?? And those awesome dudes at the Brewery yay them for being cool. Sorry you're lone travelling but hooray that you're going. Song stuck in my head now ....

    1. Hell no it doesn't make you odd!! Honestly I'm kaking myself at the prospect of flying all that way on my own, not to mention I do not speak a word of spanish except I can say chicken & chips. But I'm sure I'll be sweet....


I love reading your comments. Comments are sexy.