Monday, February 20, 2012

Everything was dickish and then got badass awesome all in one day.

Thursday last week was a big festery dick. A series of asshole events chipped away at my tough anti-bullshit exterior, All. Day. Long. When Blake picked me up from work, I was so livid, that not even the fact my BFF was about to fly in to my home city for a weekend of debauchery could make me crack a smile.

I went to the gym & tried to sweat some of the rage out. Mike (my personal trainer), likes to use my aggression to benefit my workouts. He gets me on the speed ball. I grit my teeth & hammer that bitch.While this worked momentarily, the anger returned ten fold when we got home & my husband asked what I was making for dinner. FUCK YOU man.

I sat on the couch absolutely seething. How dare he ask me what I'm making for dinner like I'm his wife or something. Get your own fucking dinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And while you're there, make me some because I'm goddamn hungry.

With arms crossed so tightly I could feel my hands going all tingly from restricted blood flow, I sat on the couch in a silent rage watching the news.

The motel receptionist knocked on the door at 7pm to say she was going home & handed me our mail. As I returned to my angry wife news watching couch, I opened the mail. And this is when shit got awesome........



Hola muthafuckers, I won a trip to Cancun.

At this joyful news, I lept off the couch & bounced around the dining room table like a fat  kangaroo, while repeatedly mashing the letter into my face screaming 'We've WON. We've WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'. No seriously. You should see the state of this letter now. It looks like someone ate it, regurgitated it then put it through the wash.

Blake stood in the safety of the kitchen watching all of this. He thought I'd finally lost my shit for real.

After about 5 minutes of screaming my head off, I managed to stop for about 60 seconds which was long enough to hand him the letter to read then I was off again.

Then Blake joined in.

We ended up in the kitchen, yelling at no one in particular & fist pumping til our arms fell off.

So it seems, yes we are going to Cancun in April for 7 days. Everything paid for, including some bitchin' tours of the Mayan ruins, we just have to take our own spending money.

I have never been to South America. But it's something that I've always wanted to do. We are hoping to spend a day/night in LA & check out Hollywood. May as well while we are there.

I am so excited, I have suddenly developed minor ADHD & can not concentrate on anything for longer than about 30 seconds.

This nice news kicked off one of the best weekends I have had in forever.

Ra! Happy me. Pirate Hooker.

On Friday some mates & I went to Neudorf Vineyard for the Classic Hits Winery Tour. The weather was perfect, the bands kicked ass & I got completely wankered on wine. I even danced. And I never dance. It seems a bottle of Moutere Hills Pinot Gris will bring fun Becky to the yard.




As the night wore on, I got increasingly messy. We ended up taking our party into Mot town & ripping it a new one. This included me star fishing on the side of the road, Emma dropping the entire contents of her bag on the concrete about 5 times, Kylie discovering that she really liked stroking my ear because it's so soft & 2 big plates of fucking hot potato's which caused us to all get 3rd degree burns inside our mouths.

As I pryed my eyelashes apart on Saturday morning, I praised Jebus that it was only Saturday & I had 2 whole days to feel normal again before having to go back to work. Because holy shit I was hungover.

We must have robbed a service station of all it's snack food on the way home too because as I looked over the side of the bed, the floor was covered in chips. And pie wrappers. And I have gravy congealed all over my eating hand.

Kye & I spent the day floating in the ocean in Kaiteri.

Kye please don't hate me for putting this photo on the Internet. 
You may look corky but I still love you anyway.

Saturday night was quiet. Kind of. Kylie & I sat out the back garden of her mums place & talked/laughed our asses off til midnight. This may have something to do with the fact we smoked. Not cigarettes were just really happy. And shit got weird. I introduce to you, Nelson's very own Blanket Man.....

Blanket Man in the swing. Weeeeeee.

Blanket Man on the toilet.

Blanket Man in the shower.

Blanket Man hanging out the washing. 

Blanket Man & giant sunflower.

The mosquitos were biting me & it was a bit cold, so I found somewhere to hide. And it all just started from there. It was all slight bladder leakage & giggles at the time. In hindsight, looking at the photo's, not so much.

Sadly the weekend didn't end on a high note. Kylie was supposed to fly back to Wellington yesterday afternoon but we had to rush her mum to hospital in an ambulance early hours of Sunday morning. She's had to cancel her trip home til further notice.

So today I am sending massive love vibes & Becky prayers to Ma Lish.

If you read this post Kye, I love you so hardout & you know where I am if you need some mad hugs or a bitch to talk to. Cos I get you. And there is no one else on this earth I would let stroke me ear so lovingly in the back of Mr & Mrs Misters family wagon, you big lesbianess.

Hey you guys, how was your weekend? Anyone ever won anything random before?


 Peace & love,

30 comments:

  1. Blanket man is kind of creepy but OMG CANCUN!!! CONGRATS!

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    1. In hindsight, not my finest moment. And OMG I KNOW!! Excitement can't even begin to explain how friggin badass I feel right now.

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  2. Part of my under-employment strategy is entering contests... AWESOME!

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    1. I enter things every once in a while but NEVER win. Seems it's better to be oblivious to the fact I've actually entered anything in order to win. When I got the letter I totally though someone was taking the piss.

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  3. I've been really bitchy lately. I hope I win something awesome soon, too.

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    1. I will rub my own magic budda belly on your behalf. Blake reckons it's lucky.

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  4. My bag or other Emmas? I really dont remember much of the town part of night at all he he he but was a fantastic night:)

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    1. Your bag you munta. I specifically remember all your shit laying under the table at The Sprig. Including your camera. You didn't seem to phased when I pointed it out to you ;)

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    2. Crap balls good thing everything made its way back in then!

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  5. Congratulations on your trip. Take lots of pictures and we look forward to the blog fodder when you return.

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    1. Cheers Brett!! And yes my camera will be raped.

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  6. Whoa congrats about Cancun!! And i'm making a mental note about 'Moutere Hills Pinot Gris'. Hmmmm...

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    1. It is THE BALLS. I don't normally drink vino but I've discovered it makes me more fun. Huzzah!

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  7. I won $1000 on a scratchie once. Score

    Fab news about Cancun. Will look forward to some entertaining posts from Mexico

    Be careful of the worms at the bottom of bottles!!

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    1. I have a scar on my upper left arm from a night on Tequilla. Haven't touched it since unless you count the shit tonne of frozen margarita's I consume if I ever I get the chance. Who am I kidding. I friggin love Tequilla! Just not that creepy little american/asian reality tv hooker one.

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  8. I thought you only ever posted pictures of yourself in disguise. You've sold out (or. . . something).

    Cool about the Cancun thing! Enjoy.

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    1. Mate, you almost seem disappointed? Have I lost my mysterious allure already? Jesus you boys are hard work.

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  9. congrats about the Mexico trip... that's fucking rad as shit and couldn't go to a more deserving person!

    I should mention now that I can fit in a suitcase... ;)


    Sounds like an amazing weekend.. I did laundry and laid around like a lazy mofo and watched episodes of The L Word.

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    1. Aw cheers girl! I would totally jam your ass in my suitcase but it's pretty dam small. Plus I hear customs in LAX are pretty staunch on human trafficking? Laundry & lesbians. You are so bad ass ;)

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  10. WooFREAKINhoo! That's so fucking awesome! I have to say, I am a bit confused as to why they feel you needed three adults. Not just you and Blake... hmmm perhaps they know you and feel you need to be chaperoned? Tsk tsk. Someone has been so naughty even the prize patrol knows! Or maybe one of you is going to get that threesome you never actually dreamed of! YAY! LOL

    Congrats again, Becky!

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    1. The 3 people thing is random, I agree. We are taking Blakes mum. She has been having a rough time lately after her mum died end of last year & needs cheering up. So yeah, definitely no threesomes. And I am completely disturbed that that thought has even been put in my head now. I shudder. But not as much as Blake would.

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  11. I guess winning something random isn't like a touchdown?

    You can't act like you've been there before...

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    1. I would probably fist pump til my arm fell off if I scored a touchdown too Mr Noob. But I probably wouldn't wear all that padding cos I'm pretty badass.

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  12. Wow, girl. I am impressed. I never win anything. And I too would have thought it was some prank. Have you confirmed that it is in fact the real deal?

    Oh, and if Blake's mom can't go, I'm available. Just saying. I make an excellent "3" if you need one.

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    1. P.S. Pirate Bex = super fucking hawt! Just thought I'd mention. Carry on . . .

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    2. Cheers lady! I actually phoned the promoter on Friday just to check it wasn't a joke. Turns out it's fully for reals. If Blake misbehaves between now & when we go I will def keep you in mind.

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  13. Congratulations on your prize, that is AWESOME!

    And I'm kinda diggin' Blanket Man and the Sunflower Umbrella....

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    1. Well I'm glad someone liked Blanket Man. I thought he was pretty bad ass myself.

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  14. "I have never been to South America."...and after this trip you will still be able to say the same thing....because Mexico is in fact in North America :)

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    1. Well that's confusing. I live at the ass end of the world & have no concept of where anything is in relation to my tiny blip country in the Pacific. Plus I failed Geography big time in high school. I always assumed it was South America? Or Central America?

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