Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Fundie Pants.

Look what I found.....

 Together Forever. in a box - Soft Toy Pee & Poo
I nearly squirted in my pants with excitement. No lie.

I then looked at the price, because clearly this would be something the poo blog queen MUST OWN, & nearly spewed on my computer screens face because woah man who woulda thought that wees & poos would be so expensive.

And who comes up with this riotous hilarity you ask?! The Euros. Those whackydoodaa Euros. Those 'hey there's some sun, lets get our tits out' Euros. The very same 'lets get all mongrel & grow ferocious hairy minge bush' Euros. I love them & I want to go live with them & be their friend. Because anyone who can turn a shit in to a soft toy is motherfucking awesome in my book.

However I won't be doing any of this with my Euro friends.

WHACKO EURO'S HAVING NAKED FUN WITH TIN FOIL

WHACKO EURO MEN HAPPY & NAKED IN A SAUNA
I WILL DEFINTELY NOT BE PARTICIPATING IN NAKED MODEL
 WHACKO EURO SANDY BOTTOM PHOTO (because clearly I would own this shit show)



NOR WILL I BE SWIMMING IN THE DIRTY RIVER WITH THESE
ELDERLY WHACKO EUROS

You bet your ass I'm buying myself those plush wees & poos toys. Just because if I didn't I would be an epic FAIL. The catch is, I can't tell my husband that I bought them for myself because he would be piss mad at me for wasting money on 'stupid things'. He just doesn't understand my craft. So for the love of christ, I need one of you bitches to be an alibi for me.

Here's how it will go.

I will send the pee&poo present to myself to my work address. Then I will bring them home & say 'hey baby, look I got some fan mail. Because HELL to the fucking O, this could SO happen. Completely viable lie right there! If anyone wants to lie with me please send me an email. Preferably one saying how awesome I am & that you are sending me a present from Sweden. Got it?

If, by chance my flawless plan fails, I am thinking of purchasing these.

ANOTHER GENIUS SWISS INVENTION - FUNDIE PANTS

One thing I have learnt while being married to a younger man. Sex will fix anything. Sex & xbox games.

And if he's still doesn't forgive me for being a lying sneaky whore, I will probably get this.

POO IN A CAN aka SPRAY CACAS


And I will be leaving this giant faux shit (that resembles a large coiled beef sausage) on his pillow. Cos that's how I roll. I only offer one chance for forgiveness. Besides I have offered him my vag for life, he should be more grateful.

Right I'm off to get my tits out, grow a mongrel fanny bush & watch me some rugby.

I haven't actually bought Pee & Poo yet. Hands up if you think I should?

Peace out!







P.S To my funny as fuck friend Shane at Wag the Dad (seriously read his stuff. He's an American living life in Germany & he cracks my shit up hard), the sexy Swiss lady bottom photo is for you. My pleasure.

Posted by Bexstar at 8:23 PM
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19 comments:

  1. emmarose82September 14, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    Can you really live with yourself if you dont purchase the Poo and Wee mascots? And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the shit spray thou would prob gross myself out using it:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2011 at 12:07 AM

    I think you should buy it and share the link so I can buy it. I want to bring it to my ladies billards night. I'll video the reaction!
    BTW, I will be your alibi.
    T. Garcia, your FB stalker

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2011 at 2:09 AM

    Where the hell do you find this stuff?? Seriously, a pee and poo toy? I think you should get it. You should offer fundies as your monthly giveaway... And include one of those hot rugby guys to share the space with!

    ReplyDelete
  4. chemgirljaimeSeptember 15, 2011 at 2:53 AM

    lmfao @ mongrel fanny bush ....omg! when I was a kid my first teddy bear was this brown and yellow teddy that I later realized resembled the colors of pee and poop... so from then on he became my pee and poo bear.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rachel Schofield - Virtual Interior Decorator & Home StagerSeptember 15, 2011 at 4:11 AM

    I think you should get them and keep them at work. That way, he'll never know and I'm sure you can use them in many creative ways in the office.

    ReplyDelete
  6. terbear287September 15, 2011 at 6:34 AM

    You have to get them. I will be your alibi. I want some too. You should include them in your giveaway. What an awesome gag gift....hahaha! Literally "GAG" gift..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Irie NinjaSeptember 15, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    That was a trick question right? Because OBVIOUSLY you have to get them. I'll take a pack of fundies and Sonny Bill to go thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  8. BonnieSeptember 15, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    Hey Bitch....there is a blog award waiting for you on my page!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Marley C.September 15, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    I pray to God you buy the pee & poo...I'll be happy to be your alibi, but I'm in Florida, not Sweden. LOVE your blog. You crack my shit up. I think in my house we have at least 10 different ways for my boys to say they have to drop a deuce. You are a blogger after my own heart!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jody RuthSeptember 15, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    The top picture was Abba! (how the fuck I know that, I do not know...)

    And I can honestly say, that having fucked half of Europe, that the days of the hairy minge are long gone. You should see my current girlfriend... smooth as a 12 year old.

    Mainly because she's not much older now.

    Anyways, keep up the shitty work. Your blogs inspire me and make me realise that there is someone as fucked up as I am out there.

    ReplyDelete
  11. socialassassinSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:35 AM

    Ahh, we Europeans love to turn strange shit (literally) into cutesy stuffed toys. Sadly comments dont let you add pictures, or I'd send you a picture of Eric, my stuffed representation of the E.coli bacteria, which my wife bought me for Valentine's day one year. This was because I am a chef, not because my wife wanted to give me E.coli. I hope. Although the same year, our former housemate Rachael used the same range of fluffy virus' to give her boyfriend AIDS.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gristle McThornbodySeptember 16, 2011 at 4:41 AM

    Goddamnit! I got a new computer (that's not the goddamnit part; patience grasshopper) and now I can't seem to send email through other people's websites. Poopity.

    BUT, man do I have a link for you!!! NSFW, of course but well worth sneaking home and taking a look at with the bathroom door shut and locked and water running to cover the moans of delight you'll be making.

    Here: http://www.dagbladet.no/2011/09/13/sport/nakenrugby/rugby/nude_blacks/18109348/

    Scrot shots to die for. You're welcome!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kelly FoxSeptember 16, 2011 at 5:45 AM

    OOHH! Dancing on the ceiling! That's is tooo awesome! I MUST have these, I will put them right beside my little eraser collection my sister gave me, with the wee little toilet, and little poo pile, and plunger. Bad taste? You betcha!I am McLOOOVIN those!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AngieSeptember 16, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    Mmmmm hot rugby men. Those stuffed pee and poo are AWESOME! I am not sure about the fundies though. Okay I am sure... no fucking way.

    Also, I think those sandy-assed girls must be broken. What's with the big gaps between their thighs?

    ReplyDelete
  15. BexstarSeptember 16, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    @Angie Seriously girl, I have a whole new respect for rugby. Some of these foreign dudes are major fanny bangers!

    ReplyDelete
  16. BexstarSeptember 16, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    @Kelly Fox You have a little poo pile? Please email me a photo of your collection. I must see it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. BexstarSeptember 16, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    @JeriOh my god. I looked. And I'm disturbed. I heard about this game. And I'm so happy i never went to it. Scary hairy scrotum!

    ReplyDelete
  18. BexstarSeptember 16, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    @emmarose82 BUY IT! Apparently it smells too.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Kelly FoxSeptember 17, 2011 at 3:06 AM

    @Bexstar
    I do, and it is tiny, fits on the tip of my finger. As soon as I get home, I will take a pic, and send it to you. It's too freaking cute!

    ReplyDelete

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