Saturday, September 17, 2011

When Scrotum Goes Bad.

First of all, if my niece Paris is reading this,  DON'T!! For the love of Christ don't do it. Turn back. Go & watch Twilight or something.

Secondly, I'd like to give the credit for today's post to my girl Jeri from That's Mrs Bitch To You. She inspired the guts of it with her informative link she passed on for my information.

For those new to my blog, I have been an avid Rugby Scrot hunter for a while now. And I'm failing at this shit yo. Modern sports apparel have made it virtually impossible for testicles to escape it's wrapping for my viewing pleasure.

Now I don't actually dig man testes at all. In fact, aside from the unattractive penis itself (come on ladies, y'all know that dicks are evil & ugly as hell), ball sacks are one of god's ultimate fail creations. No amount of chocolate sauce & teste bling will change my mind. I have never, nor will I ever, meet a man with an attractive scrotum. Mainly because I am married now & Blake says I'm not allowed to touch/lick/cup gently/smash with my fist of rage/be tea bagged by anyone else balls bags except his very own. And even his make me run screaming.
RAM BALLS. SWEET JESUS.
(He doesn't look happy though right?)

My reasons for desperately seeking nut exposure in a rugby game is purely curiosity. All that testosterone right, surely there are a set of giant balls to match? Lets just say, it's on my bucket list to see the beans of a sexy rugby superstar. Because why the hell not, I'm a dirty old pervert & I just want to.

That was until I saw this (again thanks Jeri, you made me vom up my lunch). Please enjoy my photo/musical montage of the naked rugby scrotum fest. And I am not sorry ok. You come here, this is what you get. It's got to be better than a picture of a giant shit in a bush outside my work.

Please note: We do have some very good looking men in New Zealand. However, they were obviously busy working that day & couldn't participate.


You have no idea how long it took me to make that. And how long I had to sit there watching the same pictures of ugly dicks & balls over & over & over again.

But I did it because I love you whores like a good sneaky vag scratch. Even though after watching it, you might think I don't really love you at all because surely no one who loves someone would make them watch that?! I show my affections by giving you presents & showing you pictures of ugly diddles. It's backwards I know but that's how I roll.

It's 7am on Saturday morning & my husband has just been taken to Nelson Airport. Last minute spur of the moment decision. He & his South African boys decided to fly to Wellington for the Springbok game against Fiji tonight. So I'm home alone. With my snot & hacking cough (yep I'm sick again).

I may be sick but I can still motherfucking shop.

Big Snotty Loves!
P.S You can't quit me over this.

36 comments:

  1. "No amount of chocolate sauce & teste bling will change my mind. I have never, nor will I ever, meet a man with an attractive scrotum." SNORT!! That's funny! And true1 nasty little baby making sacks of ugly, that they are! I hope you feel better!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Recently I was at a party (last week) when a guy asked a group of us if we had ever seen a Grandma's Tongue. We all replied no, as we have never even heard of this....what happened next I will replay in my head for years to come.

    Urban Dictionary Definition:
    When you pull the skin at the bottom of your nutsack and cover up your cock and balls at the same time to reveal grandmas wrinkled looking tongue

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hairy man has been giving me nightmares since I first saw coverage(or lack of!) the game! Good for the girls he was playing against thou they had something to grab hold of!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish we had naked sporting events. The sheer awkwardness and ugliness of men's genitalia is hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yo Bex

    Thanks for the shout out. I gotta say, that is a very professional YouTube production and I can't get the damned thing to load in my account. I WILL find a way.

    I love the looks on some of the spectators faces almost as much as seeing the naked, prancing boyos. Sweet! Looks like everyone is having a ball. Snort.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was an actual real event? Wow, just wow! hahaha

    I loved your video, Bex. Even though it was wrong...so very wrong.

    You shop that virus away I say!<3

    ReplyDelete
  7. I JUST LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD. I'M CRYING, BITCH. CRYING.

    BAAAAAHAHAHHAHHAHAAHHAAAAA!!!!

    Turtle dick looked like a thumb was attached to his groin.

    ReplyDelete
  8. WOW.

    Just... WOW.

    Cannot unsee.

    ReplyDelete
  9. LMFAO... that was fucking awesome. disgusting.. but awesome. gross and nasty... but awesome.

    and was it just me ... or are those dicks fucking tiny? I know they aren't hard and peeners tend to be small when not hard.. but seriously.. some of those just looked.... wrong.

    and LMFAO @ your commentary... like the run for your life one... I was killing myself laughing.

    I love you.... seriously... you are so amazeballs... it's unreal.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What the shit was going on there, seriously?!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't even know there was such a thing as ball-bling, but I am intrigued.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Okay so shrunken bored penises are totally unattractive. I can admit to that, but the dude with the tight bod and the knee toucher? I would be willing to bet when that guy is ready for action his penis would be beautiful. It sort of makes me weepy just imagining it. Not crying weepy...

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Paula

    The only ball-bling or butt-jazzle I can imagine Mr. Bitch wearing might be a Gummy Bear or melted M&M or something else sticky he'd accidentally sat on. Hubba hubba!

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Bonnie

    A guy I know asked us if we wanted to see his Eel Skin watch....wtf! Men seriously stand around playing with themselves enough they come up with other disgusting ways to demonstrate their creativity with the ugliness they were "blesses" with!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I will now be dedicating a whole post to you on my own blog because nothing I have written or will write within the next week could possibly top this. And why do we not have co-ed naked rugby in the us??? because our me are pussies. That's all I can come up with.

    You are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water.

    Damn. Double damn. Is this real? Either this is real or you need to get you a job doctoring photos and blackmailing people.

    Anyway, I called up Paris and she told me she's no longer into guys. That was your fault.

    Damn.

    I will be back. Just when I think it don't get no nastier than this, you spring a new one.

    P.S. Scrots are horrible in so many ways. Ever try to shave one? You might as well chew some bubble gum, blow a bubble, and try to shave THAT. Fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hands up anyone else who has just tried Bonnie's grandma's tongue.

    (that didn't sound right).

    ReplyDelete
  18. @Jody Ruth I tried to get my husband to do it but he's sick & told me to piss off

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Becca Oh my indeed. We kiwi's are a bit mongrel.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @wagthedad No more scrot/naked fatty diddle pics. Promise.

    ReplyDelete
  21. @sars! You are awesome. For saying that I'm awesome x

    ReplyDelete
  22. @Angie knee toucher can stay for sure. I am envious of his lady love. Although my hubs can hold his own in the dick department. TMI?

    ReplyDelete
  23. @Paula Girl I'm sure somewhere on the internet you can purchase scrot bedazzling tools. I will get back to you that one.

    ReplyDelete
  24. @punkbaby Katie, seriously. They had another game the other day down south with some naked foreign girls. You will be pleased to know that I am not going to make a photo montage of that.

    ReplyDelete
  25. @chemgirl It's cold down south. There's still snow & shit even though we are gearing up for NZ summer. I love you too funny lady!

    ReplyDelete
  26. @Lex I remember seeing a movie once where they could flash people's memory & take away all the bad shit they'd seen. Men in Black?? I wish I could do that for you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie Yes it actually happened. And what can you say about the spectators that actually made an effort to go & watch.....dirty perves?

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Jeri Cheers girl! Apparently they had another one the other day with naked girls in it too. Sheeit.

    ReplyDelete
  29. @BettyZade I completely agree. Reminds me why having an inside out genatalia is a blessing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. @emmarose82 Yeah he should have kept his clothes on.

    ReplyDelete
  31. @Bonnie Girl I am trying this on my hubs for sure x

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Kelly fox I do finally feel better thanks. I've passed my diseases on to my other half. I have proved to all privvy to my blog that yes indeed rugby scrot is bad.

    ReplyDelete
  33. http://www.femaledom.com/showgal.php?g=groups/2819/3_1&s=26
    http://www.fdmovies.com/advanced_search_result.php?keywords=Nancy&x=9&y=9

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments. Comments are sexy.