Life (aka work & rugby) has been hardout raping my attention. Yes the rugby is over but that doesn't mean I'm not still revelling in our epic win. I am allowed to do that for the next 6 months. It's the rules & I challenge anyone to tell me why I can't. You should know I will probably cut you.
And then the weekend just been, I flew to our nations capital of Wellington to hang with my best whore & go shopping. And drink wine. And eat chips. It was fanfuckingtastic!
We got gangsta. (in my pyjamas BOOM)
We drank a shit tonne of vino
And we got crunk. My feet hurt
(I'm half hearted arm flailing at this point. I was ready to go sleeps)
So yeah........ I been busy as yo! But after some time to dwell on things I've realised that I got to keep my shit fresh or you bitches are gona up & leave me.
First things first, the new owner of plush toy Pee & Poo goes to.............comment 67.
I would like to show y'all the random number generator thingy but its being a dickhole & I can't get the photo up on here so everyone just has to trust me now.
Emma, message me on Shitbook or email me email@example.com with your postal address & I send you some piss & shit. Awesome. And probably the one & only time I will ever mail some piss & shit without being arrested.
The other night I was watching a piece on the news about a NZ rugby coach that did the Auckland Marathon last weekend to help raise money for one of his players that's going through chemo. I thought shit yeah that's pretty nice thing to do. That was until they interviewed him as he crossed the finish line & he had red blood on his t-shirt similar to this guy. Except way worse.
I turned to my husband & said to him (in all my marathon naivety)
"Someone shot him in the nips with a paintball gun?".
And then one of his mates arrived at the finish line 2 minutes behind him & he too had two big bloody splotches on his white t-shirt.
So I said.....'what in the fuck are those red marks on their shirts?"
Blake tells me that it is in fact from the nipple chafe. Their nipples are bleeding. OH HELL NO!!!! It looked like someone had tried to carve their initials into his bitch tits while he was yogging & clearly slipped with the knife just a lil bit.
I have since found out that this nip bleeding is quite common. I was fucking horrified. And apart from obviously being a 'real suck time' this is another reason why I will never run a marathon.
Another thing I need to tell you is that over the weekend I discovered something to add to my 'GOOD THINGS ASIANS HAVE INVENTED' list. And that would be Coconut Buns. Please try them if you ever get the chance. Sweet doughy goodness. And way fucking bad for you which is the reason why I won't have them again for a while.
I promise you it will be the best mastication you ever have in your life or top 5 atleast. I would sell things I'm not allowed to sell for some of those Coconut Buns. Like my husbands mean xbox game selection. Or his copius Anime DVD's. Basically all the gay stuff he has way too much of which in turn makes me not like it.
Right I'm off to eat a shitload of crackers in Blakes side of the bed while enjoying my new book. Hopefully the generous & annoying scattering of cracker crumbs that get trapped in his jacksie will remind him to please wear boxers in bed & please stop backing his naked ass crack up on to me like he's parking a bicycle. Marriage is fun.
What you guys been up to? Anyone ever tried Coconut Buns before?
P.S A hobo left his skank slippers outside my work & I'm too scared to touch them in case I get hoboitis. Or Hobo AIDS.