Thursday, August 18, 2011

F*ck you life. A brief message from me, Becky Delport.

I had planned an epic blog post for today, it's 3/4 written but I can't finish it right now. My funny has been replaced with a deep & overwhelming sadness.

Someone that features regularly in my life is dying of cancer. She's just finished her first chemo treatment & got her head shaved on Monday because her hair has already started to fall out. She has terminal cancer & her doctor has told her to 'get her affairs in order' & the other old favourite 'do the things you want to do, NOW'. She doesn't have long & the chemo is possibly buying her a little bit more time but mostly making her sicker than hell.

My Dad is married to this woman. No she's not my mum, but she has been married to my Dad for the majority of my life.

My Dad rang me tonight for our monthly gossip (he lives in another town 1.5 hours away from me). He sounded positive, almost upbeat, telling about how his soul mate had had her head shaved earlier in the week & is wearing a wig. And how they went up town today & she wore a beanie like some hip street kid. We laughed about it because it's all so fucking ridiculous & we talked about how some of their friends have stopped calling around. I told him people sometimes do this when there's cancer around because they don't know what to do or how to deal with it. They still love her, but cancer is scary. Even to those that don't have it.

We talked some more about how me, my sister, the husbands & kids are all going to go over in 2 weeks for a visit & to see their new house.Yes he sounded positive. However, underneath that facade, he is absolutely inconsolably devastated. I know my Dad. I can hear it in his voice. At least this time he could actually talk to me without crying. But I could tell he was trying hard not to cry because she was there listening.

I got off the phone & cried so fiercely, I nearly fell over like people do in the movies. I always thought that sort of crying was bullshit, but it's not. That's called grief. I'm grieving for my Dad's wife & the battle she's losing with her own life. And I'm grieving for my Dad, my pretend strong Dad, who's currently watching the woman he loves die a little bit more each day. So unfair. And so dam sad.

I've cried this hard before. When my mum's husband died of cancer 6 years ago. I watched him waste away to nothing & I was there when he passed away. That time will forever be ingrained in my head. Watching my mum deal with that was heartbreaking. She is one of the strongest women I know.

So from me, my sister, my dad, my mum, all our close family & friends & anyone else who's lost someone close to cancer.......


That is all.  And thanks for listening.

Love from Becky x


  1. Oh honey I am so sorry to hear about this awful fucking cancer in your family's life. Big Big Love xx

  2. I'll second that big FUCK YOU LIFE. Life sucks so much ass it's amazing we want to stay in it.

    Sorry to hear about all your grief. It sounds like you're feeling it fully. That is a good thing. I think.

  3. Becky I didn't know, that is too sad, I'm so sorry! Such a hard thing to deal with I can't even imagine sad faces all around :-(

  4. I'm so, so sorry. I don't have to tell you about grief since you lost your stepfather so you know the drill. Cry when you have to, laugh when you can, love the living fiercly and try to remember that one day soon you'll be able to smile at the memory of the one's that are gone.

    I lost both of my only sisters to cancer in the last 15 years and I will miss them for the rest of my life, but now I do my missing with a smile instead of tears.

    Hang in there sweetie, we are all out here keeping you in our thoughts and hearts.

  5. Mrs Social AssassinAugust 19, 2011 at 4:09 AM

    So sorry to hear that, big hugs to you and your family xxx

  6. Awww, Bex! You usually make me cry because I'm laughing so hard. Now you're just making me cry sad tears.

    I'm so sorry for your step mom, dad and everyone that has to endure this cancer suckfest. :(

  7. Thats so sad... Becky & Hayley..stay strong..we are here for you both...your father is such a lovely guy, he dosen't deserve this, no one does

  8. CANCER IS A CUNT......

    I'm sorry it's rearing it's fucking ugly head in your dad's household.

    I wish I could be there for you cause your hurting right strong for your dad my tough Becky Bitch that I know you are

    xoxoxoxo kisses from Canada

  9. Both my Brother in law and Mother in law are fighting this cunty disease so you are fully right 'Fuck you life and your fat ugly bitch cancer!'

  10. I'm so sorry girlie..... my dad is dealing with this disease as well right now... thankfully he's not terminal.

    BIG hugs and xoxox... stay strong!

  11. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through losing another one of your family members to cancer. I can't even think of anything to say that's not going to sound hollow or trite or that you and your family haven't heard before. Except maybe... this stranger is thinking of your step-mom and hoping that she gets to do all that she wants to do. And then some. Because FUCK YOU, CANCER.

    And I know you've heard this before also, but if there's anything I can do, let me know. I'm in the US in Southern Maryland. I'm very close to Washington, D.C., Baltimore, Annapolis, Virginia, Delaware and even w/in 5 hours of Atlantic City. I'll put any and all of you up if you want to visit anything on the East coast. No shit.

    PS: I just found out where that big ass ball of twine is, so if you need that nugget of info, I got that, too.

  12. Hugs, Bex. Life's such a bitch sometimes.

  13. Damn Bex, you just made me cry. And there's nothing a man hates more than admitting to crying. Except perhaps admitting it to a gazillion blog readers.
    My stepmother is recovering from a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery to remove cancer at the moment and we're at the 'keeping everything crossed' stage so Mrs Assassin and I send you our love and support at this difficult time and while we realise we're not in a position to help, the thought is there and we're only an email away if you need anything. Sadly there is no way of avoiding all the tough moments your emotions will put you through, but time and the love of friends will allow you to remember the happy times eventually.
    Biggest of hugs and support from the UK xx

  14. :( Cancer fucken sucks. Hugs xx

  15. You don't know me, I found your blog about 6 weeks ago and you have kept me snorting with laughter through my fiance's chemo treatments. Literally. Snorting. Loudly. I take my iPad with me and read up on your older posts and weep with laughter. The nurses here give me strange looks. I poke fiancé awake and read him the extra funny shit. We love you. We hate cancer. I am so sorry your stepmom is facing this now, and that your Dad is going through it. Sending hugs from New York. Land of earthquakes ( go figure) and hurricanes. Eep. Hugging you hard in my head.

  16. Dear Cancer,

    Fuck off you shit cunt.



    PS - my grandparents are up there waiting for you when you get there, shit-stick.


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