Saturday, August 6, 2011

I was too drunk to notice

That the toilet lid was actually down when I was half way through my wee & I just pissed all over your fluffy toilet lid cover. I really did not notice. Oh well, atleast it soaked up the piss & I didn't mess on your floor.

And then I realised there was no toilet paper, so I used your toilet roll cover with the freaky as fuck dolls head on top to wipe my moisty with. She wasn't doing anything. Obviously, or I would have used the roll of paper on which she normally sits with arms wide open, welcoming me.  Look at her, she doesn't look mad at all.

After a 7 day working week, a non event birthday weekend & the sorest neck in the history of the entire stratosphere, I am proud to say that as of right now I am completely chopped. With my best mate & her hubby Dave who is currently singing Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al, for the fourth time. He has a problem.

I also just found a not mine pube stuck to my scarf & I'm concerned. I held it up in front of everyone like a side of beef to see if anyone would claim it. No one did.

Talk tomorrow. I have a weekend off & I'm gonna make sweet sweet blog love to you all.

What have you been too drunk to notice? I have many more but it's taken me 2 hours just to write these few lines.

P.S My 'shit fright' only lasted one day. I've laid my dirty jacksons every day since. Becky is back yo!


  1. Youre so funny.

    I was too drunk to notice.... that I was sitting on my bff's couch with my foot in a clump full of puke, which by the way, should not hve been on that amazing new rug I just gave him!!

  2. Often when I'm too drunk to notice something it involves the horrible text messages I send. They often look like this:

    ewqfj3 sdd er prast hal lok

    After that I'm too drunk to notice that I felt the need to pack my purse like a picnic/overnight bag when I got home. Let's see... last time I packed myself a new pair of underwear, a fork, and a weight watchers dessert.

  3. Usually I'm too drunk to notice I either a) cook food b) clean the house or c) do laundry. I'm irrationally Homemaker Extraordinaire when I get sloshy. Which, all in all, does me exactly NO good because I live alone and no one notices except me, and I don't count me.

  4. @Miss Felicity No you are funny. When I was 16 my best friend at the time used to honk back the zambucca & coke. Then vomit. EVERY time. And she would clean it up with her mum's teatowels which she'd hide under my bed. Without me knowing. I'd get up in the morning to go wee & stand in the vom teatowels. Not happy.

  5. @Angie I was also once a chronic texter whilst drunk. I would text everyone I know to say WAAAAAAAAAAAAASSUP MOTHERFUCKER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DRUNK RIGHT NOW. Somehow I always managed to spell properly. This was because I have mastered the art of one eye open drunk text. Where you hold it an inch from your nose & text, with one eye open.

  6. @tazerwarriorprincess Girl you are like a drunk ass Martha Stewart!

  7. I also got rather hammered last night and hit the big smoke of mot, but I wasn't drunk enough to not notice the chick who had forgotten to put pants on!!!!

  8. No, no, no you did not really do that!! hahaha

    Um, I once wore my wrap skirt inside out. (This was circa 1992.) Apparently everyone else was too drunk too notice as well.

    Are you back home yet? Hope your man kisses your neck better.

  9. Just this last night I dropped my phone in the pub and screwed it (didn't notice), and when I got back I put a ready meal in the microwave... in foil. Didn't notice. The microwave exploded and set off the smoke alarms in my nan's retirement home. Didn't notice. I think the older folks did though.


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