Sunday, August 7, 2011

Show & Tell with Mrs Delport

I have so much to show/tell you. I know I said I'd be making sweet sweet blog love to ya'll this weekend but I was too busy being outside, exploring Wellington & raping my bank account with my mad shopping skills. Please note, I love you guys hard but I love shopping slightly more. But only a little bit.

First of all, I was meant to go home on Thursday, but I'm still needed here so I've changed my ticket & won't be going home until next Thursday. I was sad because I miss Blake but after the LOL (Translated: I don't miss you at all) text, he can survive without me for another 4 days. He has actually told me he misses me but I'm milking the LOL text all I can.

Do you know what Matryoshka Dolls are? Well I have always wanted some. In Russia they cost LOADS but here in New Zealand, they don't cost loads & you can get different flavours. Like Ninja flavour. Behold my very own ninja Matryoshka dolls.

Yes, I know. This is the raddest shit you have ever seen. But wait, there's more.

Seeing as when I get back to my office I will have a new desk to personalize, & taking into account my weird obsession with anything toilet/poo related, I saw this & just couldn't resist. It screamed Motherfucker Delport. (FYI - That is my new name. Saw Horrible Bosses, loved it, stole & claimed Jamie Fox's character name as my own but with a twist. Please go see that movie.) Behold, the VOMIT STATION. It has to be in capitals because of how awesome it is.

I also bought clothes. And shoes. And perfume. And these......LEGO EARRINGS! I couldn't stop myself.

On Friday night after work, I got stupid drunk. On 2 bourbons & 2 wines. I was that tired that I literally got hammered off nothing. Plus, & this may surprise you, I'm not really a drinker. People who don't know me well find this strange. I drunk my lifes worth of alcohol in my teens & 20's. I guess you could say I'm a lightweight. This is the only thing in life I claim lightweight status & I'm holding that title close to my heart.

I was all amped to have some drinks & hit the bars when I got back to Kye & Daves place after work. But after about half an hour & two bourbons, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I was stuck in her lounge chair & I couldn't move. I sat there & laughed loudly at nothing for longer than normal periods of time. Then the North Carolina America neighbour came over & I yelled at her lots of question about America, like do they have bears there, but mostly food related questions about Twizzlers & gravy. In Carolina they have gravy for breakfast. Fuck yeah!

I woke up yesterday morning feeling like balls. Scrotum balls. Hairy scrotum balls that had been infested with killer king crabs & don't have very good circulation so they are really really cold & that some angry person has just running fuck kicked hard. I didn't feel good.

Today the Rush's took me sightseeing. I rode a giant cannon.

Stick em' up bitches!
I hugged a big wind turbine thingy.

I heart you big wind turbine thingy & your magical electricity making ways.

I showed my mate's husband Dave how awesome I am at doing press ups on a slopey hill.

Yeah it seems I really can't do press ups on slopey hills. I ate grass.

We also found some poo. Hurrah! Foreign visitors to my land could be mislead to believe this is some currants scattered haphazardly in the grass, but no, it's definitely poo.

I had a bloody awesome day with my best whore. I love Wellington. But I miss my Blake LOL motherfucker.

This months Winner Wednesday monthly prize will be announced at some stage this week. Please note that every comment you make on any of my blog posts from the 1st of this month enters you in the draw to win. It will be cool shit. I promise.

Before I go I just wanted to tell you all that I watched the All Blacks whoop the Wallabies last night. While I napped on the couch in the boring parts of the game, the tries scored gave me big fanny spasms. The Rugby World Cup is just around the corner & my boys are looking HOT. Please dear baby Jesus don't let them get injured.

Mad loves!

P.S I'd really like to know if Kentucky Fried Chicken is really from Kentucky? Because North Carolina Geo Scientist lady I drunken yelled at on Friday night couldn't tell me. DIS A POINTED.


  1. I think I may be in love with Kevin!!!

  2. The simple answer to the chicken question is yes, it does come from Kentucky. Colonel Sanders, the inventor of the secret KFC recipe first cooked his famous chicken at a gas station in North Corbin, Kentucky during the depression of the 1930's. Cheers, Wikipedia ;)
    Loving the ninja dolls, but I'm not commenting on the desk ornament. My real name is Kevin.

  3. Lego earings are genius cause you can end up making them as big as you want!

  4. Maybe his LOL meant "lots of love"?

    Glad you are having a good time shopping. Those ninja dolls scream your name!

  5. I had a set of those russian dolls! They were called nesting dolls, I think. Never seen ninja ones before though! Good score! That is an awesome pic of you doing "pushups" and your friend standing there watching your hair flop in the breeze. It gives me warm fuzzies.

  6. OMG. Please tell me how I can get ninja matryoshka (wow I had to copy and paste that shit) dolls!

  7. Yes it's from Kentucky.
    No there's not bears n' shit everywhere.
    No, not all people from California are blonde, nor are we all surfers.
    I want your ninja dolls.

  8. www.sphynctacontractions.comAugust 8, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    mmmmmmm dirty dirty chucken.....sunny wellington days and big cannons that cool the vage. I lubb you Becky Delport x

  9. LOVE this blog... even though I'm sad that you won't be blogging as much til you get back.. I still heart you.

    we DO have bears.. in Canada too.. in my blog post I took a pic of a Black Bear we spotted on the side of the road!

  10. I <3 that you have a real name for the Russian nesting dolls. In America we eat so much gravy for breakfast that we (me) didn't know that term. The ninjas kick ass! GoodBUY!

    We do not have bears where I come from but we have mountain lions and uh... yeah that's pretty much it. We have twizzlers though!

    Please get your face-in-toilet desktop toy owning ass back so I can get back to my regular blog reading schedule. It's like taking a daily ya know... don't back me up woman! :)

  11. those ninja dolls are radsical


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