Saturday, July 16, 2011

Bitches, I'm dying.

This is what karma does after you get all high & mighty & go round blagging that you never get sick. And how your immune system is all ninja & shit.

You get sick. It happens to me once a year.

This is me a week ago today. Respectable.


Oh how shit can go downhill in one week......... 


I sit for long periods of time breathing heavily in & out my mouth, drooling a little bit because my whole fucking face feels like it's made of a slab of stone, with tissues hanging from each nostril & I say to Blake,'babe, I think it's my time'.

And do you know what he says to me!! Go the fuck to sleep.

Sheeit.

Man flu aint got nothing on me. I am a shithouse sick person. Everything tastes like salt or nothing which makes me angry because god I love to eat. What's the point when you can enjoy it. I may as well eat raw potatos for a few days.

Cheese doesn't taste like cheese.

Chilli taste like lumpy beany nothing. I made a pot of chilli this afternoon. With meat in it. I tasted it before & it was just burny hot nothing.

Grapes still taste ok. But not how a grape should.

I am miserable. And tomorrow I am going to my nephews 3rd birthday party. I love him. Such a gentle soul of a child. But to be honest, I would rather have my head jammed inside a box full of angry killer bees than go to a kids birthday right now. Even though my love for this child is bigger than mountains.

But I will go, because I just got to.....(sung to the Dione Warwick's group singalong song 'That's What Friends Are For')

Keep shining, Keep smiling
Sethy you can always count on me, for sure
That's what Becky's for

For good times & bad times, I'LL BE ON YOUR SIIIIIIIIIDE FOREVER MOOOOOOOORE
That's what Becky's for

By the way don't eat the cheese rolls. I can't be quite sure due to my delirium but there may have been some flu germs go into the cheese sauce when I had my sneezing/farting/nearly shit my pants fit in the kitchen.

Peace!








P.S If I slip into a deep coma during the night, please make sure someone plucks my chin hairs & makes sure I have mascara on at all times.

15 comments:

  1. OMG girl, you are too funny. You really went from knockout to gross in 0-60, didn't ya? LOL. Your whole post was awesome, then I got down to read the "PS" while sipping my tea. My netbook almost got a tea bath. Luckily I managed not to spew with laughter. Thanks.
    snarkandire.blogspot.com

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  2. That's quite the hotsie totsie pic of you. Why have you been keeping it from us? No, instead you give us pudding mouth! haha

    Sorry you are sick, Bex. And I'm extra sorry about your farting/nearly shitting your pants episode. On the bright side, you can't smell your own stink. :)

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  3. Yeah, I hate to say it, but you brought it on yourself. You cannot tempt the gods of plagues that way. Feel better soon!

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  4. I'd be sure and leave the snot-blockers in my nostrils for your nephew's party tomorrow. Post us some pictures of the little bugger clinging to his mother's legs, screaming and scarred for life. Good times!

    Feel better, toots. (And that's toots as in Tootsie, not toots as in farting on the cheese rolls)

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  5. @BettyZade So glad you didn't cover your net book with tea. That's where the magic happens.

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  6. @Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie Amen & hallelujah to that sister. Cheers for the sympathy babe. I will be sweet in a couple of days

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  7. @Caprice I know mate, this happens to me once a year, every year. And just to punish myself for being a douche, I don't take anything. I force myself to feel the assness.

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  8. @Mrs. B. I'm actually contemplating whether or not to go, but I kinda have to. Seeing as he's family & all. Although I don't like their chances of seeing a non-hideous version of my.

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  9. Bex! I am sick to. I look like you, too. Except I have stubble. On my face. Cigarettes now just taste like old tobacco. I have to put hot curry powder on my popcorn because otherwise it tastes like styrofoam.

    And now my mom says I have to go watch this movie, so I can't continue typing.

    Never mind. I'll just sneeze all my righteous goo all over her face when she comes near.

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  10. You will just fit right in with all the other snot monsters!(As all preschoolers are at this time of the year)

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  11. At least you seem better off than I am. Double ear infections and pink eye in both eyes, all sprouting up in two days. Get well!

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  12. I'm totally not laughing at you. I'm laughing in your general vicinity but not AT YOU! LOL I hope you get better soon and just remember... it's better than a urinary tract infection!

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  13. It's better than a urinary tract infection. Freaking hilarious. Bex your blog is so good even your commenters are comic genius. Very sorry to hear you're full of sickness, on the bright side this gives you a totally good reason to be plain in-your-grill bitchy to people for real :)

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  14. I am dead serious when I say I better not get sick in the next month, I have some serious business to attend to!

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