The Human Barnacle

First off all, please observe this short advertisement for Pink Batts.

The man I have chosen to share my life with is my Pink Batt hug.

I love my husband. More than life itself. I would take a bullet for him (probably) & I would kick the ass of anyone that tried to harm him (definitely). Apart from being a man beaver as discussed in a previous post, he is also a man sized love rash. He loves to love me. And it drives me fucking nuts.

I'm not what you would call an overly affectionate woman. I don't feel the need to be constantly up in someone's business. I do enjoy snuggling, cuddling, smooching & kissing, but in moderation. And on my terms. If I'm over tired, surfing the red wave or just in a bitch ass mood that's a general red flag to stay the fuck away. Not my man. He just loves to get all up in my grill.

I spend the majority of my time at home with a 5'9" 79kg human growth stuck to me.

He's like my very own barnacle. I tell him to bugger off, he just laughs at me & tells me I'm crazy. I walk past him. anywhere in our house, he swipes at me like a monkey from within an exhibit at the zoo. Especially at my booty. I'm cooking in the kitchen & swoops in for a hug fest. I'm sitting on the couch reading/writing/watching tv, he has to be on me. I fight him. And he loves it. He says I make it a challenge for him. I constantly wrestle to get him off me. And while most people may think that this isn't how a husband & wife should be, this is how we are, & we really work.

Here are a few of the one liners he uses to justify his constant love bombing of yours truly.

"I just want to swarm you with my love like bees" - What the fuck?

"This is my secret love position" - while wrapped around me like a baby koala bear as I cook dinner

"I want to roll you up into a little ball & keep you in my pocket" - I'm pretty sure he pilfered one that from the movie Punch Drunk Love.

"I just wanna bite it" - referring to my ass as I walk past him & he grabs at it.

"Your breath smells like you ate a big poo" - No lie. He loves me that much he will tell me when I have shit eater breath

"Let's mate" - he is younger than me. In the prime of his very own sexual revolution. It's fucking exhausting.

"I just want to be all up in your sugar" - Sounds like the name of a really shit song from a really shit boy band.

He is my human barnacle & I love him.

Bx


P.S I'm going to be starting 'I'm a winner Wednesdays'. This will be happening every Wednesday from this week onwards & I will giving away something I like. You must be a follower of my blog first of all to be in the draw & you will never know what the prize is until the day.
 Details to follow in Wednesdays blog post.

Becky truth for today: I once peed in the corner of my best friends garage. We arrived back at hers after a large night on the juice, her house is up half way up a small mountain & I couldn't hold on. It was either doing it in her garage or doing it in my pants. I chose the former. Because no one likes soppy undies.