Thursday, May 26, 2011

I love you Jeremy

One programme that I have accidentally ended up watching this week is Jeremy Kyle.
Not on purpose. I just happen to have my ass glued to the couch & the TV on when it comes on every day.

I am one hundred percent positive that I am not the only one that wonders where the hell he finds the people that go on this show? Does his PR peeps stick an ad in the papers saying 'All dirty slutbag muppets with absolutely no morals (male/female) who want to make complete cocks of themselves on TV & be laughed at by people all over the world, please sign up here".

I have no idea what today's topic was because I got too frightened by this lady...........

Kellie has 15 children, likes to glue tarantula legs to her eyelashes & has a masters degree in blow jobs.

I also really had no idea what Kellie's beef was but it had something to do with a dude that I believe once stuck his pee pee in her fanny bags. Kellie was piss mad. PISS MAD.

It was then that Kellie realized that she was actually sitting on the stage getting piss mad by herself. And that she had also left the house in her dirty grey Ugg boots that smelt like the anal leakage of a tom cat.

Kellie was so embarassed by the stench of her own Ugg boots that she chucked a wobbly & had to be forcibly removed by the Jeremy Kyle show security guys.

Once Kellie had calmed down Jeremy sat down with her for a heart to heart. He lay down the law JK styles.

Kellie's time in the spotlight was over before it began. She currently makes a living selling Tarantula leg glue-on eyelashes on Ebay & working as a spokesperson for the FAF, Foot Aids Foundation. She now only gives blow jobs on the weekend because it's ruining her teeth doing it full time. interpreted by me one rainy Wednesday afternoon with the help of the camera on my ipod

Kellie was awful. Like really awful. Along with the sheer horror of her face, she had an orange tan & even though english is her one & only language, she didn't speak it very well. She made me feel hot. Even though I actually am. She just reinforced that fact.

I've decided to write a letter to Jeremy Kyle & tell him he needs to change the theme song for his show to something more fitting.I tried to find song called "The Ugly, fucked & stupid" but there's no such song. Listen & enjoy. Well watch it really because I can't figure out how to download a audio files yet.

If you haven't had the chance or just plain forgot, click HERE & read yesterdays post.
You could win a prize. You just have to become a follower of my blog & comment on yesterdays post.

Peace out!


Becky truth for today: Sometmes when I write my blogs I get scared because somewhere deep down inside me is a mentally insane person telling me to write this stuff. Plus my family really wants me to have a baby. How can I be responsible for a small human when I write blogs about foot aids & fanny bags?


  1. DITTO! Catching the occasional episode of shows like that (over here it's Jerry Springer) make one feel so much better about one's self.

  2. You should have a 2 minute segment at the end of every Jezza show, just to put things in perspective. Jx

  3. Classic... I must confess I watch Jeremy Kyle when Im feeling poorly... the dudes on there make me feel not so shit...

  4. I hate spiders....a know what I do when I see a spider?, I stomp the fuck out of it. That lady looks like a spider, I want to stomp the fuck out of her. I'm gonna take her stinky ass uggs and stomp on her face with I probably will be the next guest on this show " The woman that killed the spider lady"...... or some shit like that.....hahahahaha

  5. HAHAHA You should offer your services to "close caption" these shows. Hilarious.

  6. I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog, but I'm really glad I did! You're making a very LONG day go by a bit quicker and for that I thank you!

    I have a question though, what does "chucked a wobbly" mean? Maybe it's a NZ thing (I'm in the US) but that phrase alone had me giggling like a school girl!

    Oh, and we have a phrase here - The bigger the hoops the bigger the whore. Seems appropriate for Kellie?


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