My Arch Nemesis

When I was young & my grandparents were still alive, we used to spend nearly every school holiday kickin it at their pad up in Bunnythorpe. Please don't let the name of their tiny town mislead you into thinking it's a cute place where bunnies live. This place was a shit hole. However, my grandparents lived there, & I loved them as much as I loved Barbie & Skittles (that was HEAPS) so I thought B-Thorpe was the bomb digz.

My Granny & Grandad lived in a small street with only about 7-8 houses. The neighbours directly to the left, also family members, had a corgi dog. For the purpose of this post we will call the corgi Barry because I can't remember it's name. Barry had a major attitude problem & whilst he portrayed a happy go lucky corgi dog, he was actually the devil himself covered in fur. I was shit-in-my-pants scared of this midget legged Barry especially when he bit the cats nose off.

What Barry kinda looked like.......



image source



But I thought he looked like this.........

Legend had it that Barry had anger management issues & used to frequently bite people if you got all up in his business or if you just happened to be near him when he had a bitch fit. So when I wanted to go outside & play I used to commando roll along the ground by the fence line so Barry wouldn't detect my presence. It didn't actually matter that he had legs that were about 3 inches high & couldn't actually see over the fence.

Before I even ventured out the back door I used to scan the perimeter of the yard by sticking my head out of the catdog flap that was the frequently used by my grandparents Siamese cat, Teba & Pekingese dog, Misty . If the coast was clear my sister & I would shimmy through the magic little door to Narnia & patrol the yard with a stick, Grandad's shovel, or whatever useful weapons we could get our hands on.
We were soldiers, protecting the land we loved from our arch enemy, Barry the nose biting corgi.

Unbeknown to either of us, Barry would always be asleep inside his house & he didn't care about us unless we were in his hood. I hated that dog with a passion. He never actually bit me, probably because he never got the opportunity. If Barry was out roaming the neighbourhood, I was inside watching his every move from the lounge window. If I was asked to go next door to Barry's house & get something, I would disappear like David Copperfield.

One summer I had to go over to Barry's house for a flower girl dress fitting. I wasn't having any of it but my mum insisted that I went. I decided that she was to be my bodyguard & if the dog decided to go ape shit, she would be first in line for a corgi bite. I spent the whole time at Barry's house trying not to have eye contact with him while he lay on the floor by one of the lounge chairs. I sat rigid & still like a piece of wood hoping that if I didn't move, breath or make a sound he wouldn't even notice I was there. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life. What made matters worse was the cat with no nose was loitering around as a constant reminder of what Barry's fury was capable of.

Later that day, within the safety of my grandparents house, I was watching Barry take a leisurely stroll around their back garden. He must have noticed the curtains moving & while he was mid doggy dump our eyes met. I gave him the bird & yelled 'fuck you Barry' out the window. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins & I felt so proud I'd gotten one over that stupid dog until I realised I had been busted cursing out the window by my Grandma & subsequently summoned to the kitchen for a telling off.

That one particular holiday when Barry bit the cats nose off, we returned home to find Dad had a surprise for us. A fucking corgi dog. This corgi was a pup & black/white & so cute you'd want to vomit. We called her Ebony. And she grew to be a friendly, if not a bit stupid, non biting corgi dog.

A few years later wonderful news came via the parents that Grandma & Grandad had sold their house & moved to another city. I rejoiced quietly that I would never have to see Barry again. He was the thorn in the side of my holiday happiness no more.

That dog will be dead now & even though I don't wish mean things on any animal or human, I hope some angry spirit cat bit his fucking nose off just to teach him a lesson.

Everyone had an animal they were shit scared of as a child.
Tell me about your arch nemesis.......I want to know you.
Not like a stalker though.

Becky truth for today: I like sharks. It's weird I know, but they fascinate me. One day when we go back to South Africa I am going to do a cage dive in Cape Town. I want to see a Great White. Failing that I will be happy to just watch from the side of a big boat.