Friday, May 27, 2011

Robocop, Jason & the clown that ruined me

When I was 7, my aunt, uncle, cousin Keiran & his mate (well call him 'some dude' because I can't remember his name) came down from Palmerston North to stay with us. While the adults went out on the Saturday night, my cousin Keiran & some dude were in charge of looking after my sister & I.
They decided to get Robocop out on video.

I hid behind one of our lounge chairs absolutely cracking giant shits in my pants while they watched this video. It terrorised me. When police officer Murphy who becomes Robocop gets shot to shit, a little bit of my childhood innocence died inside me. I was destroyed that human beings could be so mean. Then a little bit more died when the uber robot went apeshit in the conference room & mass slaughtered everyone. And one of the final scenes when the bad guy face plants into the barrel of acid then explodes when he gets hit by a car. Oh my fuck I have never forgotten that. I lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed.

20+ years onwards & I still refuse to watch Robocop. Up until that moment in my life I thought the world was all about fairies & rainbows but that night, Robocop raped my brain.

No more fairies & rainbows :(
A few years later my parents bought a section, built a house & moved us out country. Our neighbours had two daughters our age. We used to get up to all sorts of naughty shit while our parents were at work in town.

It was at this time I was exposed to the world of Jason Voorhees & Friday the 13th. I know this is like 'E' grade horror compared to what you can watch now, but back then this shit was real to me. I used to build a base camp under my blankets every night waiting in vain for Jason in his ice hockey mask to come & cut me up. Having sleep overs outside in a tent was NOT an option. Not unless I could sleep with an axe.

And if I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, the whole house would be woken up by my little hairy legs powering like a muthafucker up the hall back to the safety off my blanket headquarters. Even the toughest soldiers need to wee.

Obviously Jason never came to get me.

Nor did the scary drain dwelling clown from IT with his mouth full of shark teeth.

Or The Blair Witch ( I seriously didn't know that was a made up story when I watched it).
I refused to go anywhere with trees or dense bush for about 2 years after watching that movie. Nor did I appreciate my boyfriend at the time leaving piles of sticks outside my bedroom door.

Some people get off on watching horror flicks. I'm not one of those people. I would rather shave my head with a blunt razor blade & swallow a container of full drawing pins. Spending the majority of a movie hiding behind a pillow with my fingers jammed in my ear holes is not a fun time.

What's your favourite scary movie?

I promise I won't miraculously appear n your house in a white mask & a machete ready to dance.


Becky truth for today: My sister got a trampoline spring hooked in behind her eyeball. What the fuck right? Those springs aren't small!! I was jealous because she got to wear a pirate patch for 2 weeks. I know this doesn't relate to me at all but to this day I am still impressed at the fucked upness of that injury. It's worthy of being shared.


  1. OMEN! anything with scary kids even parts of sixth sense scare me I am a dick when it comes to scary movies!

  2. I refuse to watch scary movies, and the fucked upness of those latest ones saw etc is just sickening, although I've never actually watched one, they look pretty freaken sick, in a bad way.
    The last one I saw was that one about a girl down a well, what is it? you watch a video and then when it finished she will come and get you, I still have nightmares, i think that will be the last one I ever watch. When I was little we used to watch them, and the Blob and The monster in the closet were my scary ones, I used to have to get Dad to check my closet before I went to bed.

  3. "Nor did I appreciate my boyfriend at the time leaving piles of sticks outside my bedroom door."


  4. Oh god, I cannot STAND scary movies. I'm glad there are other people out there who agree. Fucking terrifying. Why would anyone pay money to be scared shitless for weeks?

  5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Nightmare on Elm Streets. And wouldn't you know it, I didn't know The Blair Witch Project was fiction, either! Had to change my panties that day. Oh, and when The Terminator was cutting open his skin to make repairs in that grimy hotel room... THAT was a scream and hide moment!

  6. My childhood was ruined by seeing the horses head in the bed in 'The Godfather' - my parents night was ruined as the babysitter had to get them home from the restaurant they were at I was so hysterical. That will teach the babysitter for channel surfing the two channels available at the time whilst letting me stay up late. I don't do scary movies either.

  7. 13 ghosts! I love that movie. but the one that totally scared the living shit out of me and I still get nightmares over it is Paranormal Activity. There is no way in gods green earth I am watching Paranormal Activity 2!!! Prior to that not much ever phased me, I really did love scary movies. Ps having kids screws that up too haha

  8. Funny, I would have taken you for the type that horror-movie-brave. But, I'm with you. I don't need to be scared, and gratuitous violence disgusts me.

    Wow, I can't believe your poor sis got a trampoline hook in her eyeball. Now that's scary!


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