Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Saturday morning shit list: 7th May

I've decided to make this a regular feature of my blog. I was inspired by a funny lady who seems to be easily angered & ranty like myself. I think we are way too reserved these days & just need to say what we think. If you never end up on any of my shit lists then it means you still have a well established amount of cool factor with yours truly.

1: The doctors at Hutt Hospital in Wellington. My bff is in absolute agony & has been jacked up on morphine whilst laid up in a room full of senile old ladies at Hutt hospital for nearly 2 weeks now. They gave her an epidural yesterday. Which they had to do twice because the buggered up the first one. I hate that she's hurting & that the doctors don't know what is wrong with her. Where is Doctor Gregory House when you need him.

2: Seasonal allergies. My sister has turned into a freak of nature & is miserable.I want to punch allergies in the balls.

3: Farting on the treadmill. I just can't help it. It's like the intensity of the work out puts stress on my intestines. Lucky it's not busy when I'm at the gym. FYI girls do fart. And seeing as I already have a man who is contractually obligated to me, I have no shame.

4: $8 flats from The Warehouse. There is a reason they are only $8. Because they are pieces of shit.
I have worn them about 8 times which works out as $1 per wear. Now they have fallen to bits. You get what you pay for. Lesson learnt.

5: The work neighbours. They think it's ok to dump their rubbish in our big wheelie bin that we pay for. New flash assholes, so NOT ok. And make it known that I am watching you.

6: Rain. And people who still like to go out & do things in the rain then complain about the rain & that they are wet. Ah dumbass you could just stay inside & do the not really important things when it's stopped raining.

7: Rhianna. I just have to let you know Ri Ri that NZ's Edge Radio station must be your biggest fans because they constantly play your ear piercing whiny voiced songs over & over all day long. It's because of them that when I hear any of yours songs I want to set things on fire & start a riot. However I do like your red hair.

8: My arms. Refer to blog: ashes to ashes, dust to dust. My arms just aren't fulfilling their potential right now. I'm walking around with my arms dragging by my sides like a baboon. 

9: Expensive Vegetables. It's beyond a joke now. Especially when you have a husband that only eats fruit & veges & eats as much as a fricking giraffe.

10: The Government. In fact any government. They all suck. Mr J K you don't need to waste my hard earned tax dollars on 20 or so burly gents to protect while you're on holiday. No one knows who you are overseas John. Lap it up.

11: The taxi driver who will remain nameless that walks past my office window every Saturday morning & actually stops, walks up to my window & pokes his tongue out at me. Stop doing it & go get some real hair Mr Toupee.



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