Friday, June 24, 2011

Why I am going to watch a rugby game tomorrow?

Because I want to see scrotum. Scrotum that accidentally exposes itself out of the inner leg of the rugby players shorts. It's one of my life missions. And it will happen eventually. I will see scrot.

I tried to hunt for some visual imagery for the purpose of this small post by typing, with careless abandon into Google image search, 'Exposed Scrotum'. After I regained consciousness, got up off the floor, then cleaned up my vomit, I feel it my duty to advise you NOT to do that. EVER!

I love scrotum. Not in an I-want-to-snuggle-up-with-a-pair-and-use-them-like-a- pillow type love. I'm just curious & a little fascinated at how the men of the universe have all been brandished with a pair of dude lumps that look like they belong on a 2000 year old dead guy. Once you guys hit puberty it seems to all turned to shit.

You would think somewhere out there in the universe some glamorous entrepreneurial ex soap star would have come up with some scrotum anti-wrinkle cream? Screw Proactiv. Lets get inventing. Scrotum Skin SO Shiny 'a face lift for your bags'. That shit would sell yo! Scrotum is the epicentre of man & should be so much more good looking than what it is. **My husbands scare the living shit out of me. I don't get why something so awesome (his dick) can be accompanied by something so hideous (the scrot). It's like his man beef has a butt ugly wing man. I don't want to acknowledge him but I kinda have to. Out of politeness. if nothing else.

**I love all of him really. Hard out. His scrotum rocks.

Here we have a few of the greatest Scrot moments in sporting history.

The Pole Vaulting Scrot.

The Wrestling Scrot (yes he is tea bagging himself in the face. Magnificent)

The Man-nastics Scrot

The High Jump Scrot

Ice Hockey Scrot (barely visible due to extreme cold temperatures)

Children please divert your eyes

THE SOCCER SCROT!!!!!! Frank AND Beans!!!

I'm off to the Crusaders/Sharks quarter final game with the South African contingent tomorrow night. I will be sitting there with my camera at the ready. I'm chomping at the bit for a John Smitty sac shot. That would complete me.

I'm thinking about creating a Global Wall of  Scrotum. Thoughts?



  1. Oh FFS! Did you know this post got your blog stuck behind an interstitial warning page? Mwahaahahahah. Apparently scrotum sacs offended someone.

    Ooh! And as long as you've already vomited, now would be a good time to do a Google Image search for goatse. You're welcome :)

  2. OMG! haha I hope your wish comes true. I love your Becky-shopped pics.

    Btw, you are down 26.5lbs?? Why aren't you talking about That's awesome. Ok, this Saturday I am going to try to match your 26.5lb loss. *In the name of my fat ass, I pray.*

  3. ROFLMFAO! Thanks for the warning, I will not search scrotums on google. What's with the soccer guys not wearing cups, or even underwear?? Don't you want the family jewels protected in a sport like that?

  4. I gotta scrot show of a fellow friend heading down a slip-n-slide during a party one nice. It was brilliant.

  5. My fav scrote story is when Jem was a little bubba and I opened his nappy one day to find his scrote had completely disolved, it was empty, flat and splayed out like a melty old pancake in his nappy. I was alarmed and called Nigel in to show him as we maybe needed to take him to the hospital.
    Nigel informed me, that he was just hot.
    And he said you know when you open up his nappy and they are really small and wrinkly and tight, that means he is cold.
    I had heard of the whole little diddle cold thing, but I had no idea the scrote took it to such extreme measures.
    From then on when Jem has his pants off I can look at his temperature gauge to see if he is OK going commando, or if its getting a bit nippy and pants need to go back on.
    BTW you also have to fold the willy down when putting on a nappy or they pee out the top.
    They should give us girls a penis/scrote guide book when we leave the hospital!

  6. @Katie - Jesus christ that sounds awful. Pancake scrot & upwards peeing diddles. Please jesus don't give me a son. P.S Your boys are way fricking gorg!!

    @Megs - I would like to have been at that party.

    @Bettyzade- sportsmen these days are rogues. The neeed nut smashing just to learn a valid lesson. Protect the goods. Amen.

    @Rachel - I let you guys do the weight loss blog thing. I'm the naughty, vulgar blog sister that writes about scrotum.

    @MrsB - I'm too scared.


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